Your Own Estimation...

I am probably a bit of a ditz and maybe a bit of a clutz, but I have never considered myself stupid. You know those people that just make you feel like a dummy? Or an underachiever? I’ve known a few. On my facebook page it says “think highly of yourself. The world takes you at your own estimation.” That is really true. A confident woman is a beautiful woman. But where is the line for cockiness- which makes you ugly, even if you ARE attractive? And when is discussing your achievements in bad taste? Maybe when it is apparent that you, YOURSELF, think your achievements go beyond that of other people. I’ve known a few of those too.

All my bragging rights have limitations. Do you include those when you discuss them? Here goes: In high school I had the second highest GPA for 3 years running. The girl with the highest was a reeeaal keener. I couldn’t compete, but I enjoy a healthy dose of competition.

In University I made the Deens list two years running- but just by the skin of my teeth. In Elementary School I created the school mascot (Chemong Dragons) which is still on their wall today. Unfortunately I sold out, for $300.00 and they bought the right to it and mass produced it in every way imaginable. I would be famous at that school if I had received some good advice about copyrighting my work. I consider myself to be a good employee. I have been hired after every (real) interview I have had. I work hard to get my work done, but I need a dose of colour in my day that comes in the form of Solitaire (it used to be facebook, but the site is banned by my current employer). I have been fired once and been laid off once and resigned twice (to relocate).

If you have ever been fired, it is the worst feeling in the world. It took me two years to get over it and leave my bitterness on the doorstep on my way to work each morning. I can gladly and honestly say that my being fired was for false reasons (if you have ever had a crooked employer, you know what I mean when I say I was bitter) but I was too exhausted by the drama to fight it and take it to the next step- whatever that might have been-human rights or something. One of my best qualities is my sense of justice. I hate when things aren’t Just. Like when people are set up, or mistreated without cause. I have a feminist streak, but that is only because of some of the injustice that is attached to issues of feminism. I hate that woman still make less than men for doing the same job. Luckily I have a job that stops crooked doctors in their tracks. So I get my dose of Justice from that. Before this, it was from doing police dispatching. No bragging rights there. It was hard work. Lots to learn and even more to tolerate. You get a real sense about people when you work in a place like that. You might learn to hate them or maybe even pitty them. I saw a counselor while I worked there. One of the best decisions I could have made. Pride on the backburner and while keeping up with police confidentiality, it helped me get through the day. Long days. 12 hour shifts and then I would go home and sleep in house with strangers that had no regard for me. Loud music while I slept.

What I am NOT proud of was how I scammed my way through university. Granted, I went to Guelph, but I found school too easy. So easy, in fact, that I found a way to get out of most assignment and exams and…work, while still maintaining a mid 80 average. I have trouble fully applying myself to things that don’t challenge me. I wish I was driven enough to work full steam through those four years, imagine what I could have accomplished. But as it stands I have a BA sitting in my desk drawer at home, that isn’t really a real representation of what I am capable of. And let’s be honest, if I decided to say I have a 4 year honours degree in microbiology with a minor in economics on my resume- would anyone really question it? They might ask ME questions, but I know enough about those fields to bullshit my way through the lie. No, I have never done that, but I have been tempted.

I would say I am generally ‘slightly above average’ in every way. You name it….I got it….slightly above average ha ha. Smarts? Yup! Looks? Yup! Size? Yup! Skilz? Damn straight! At least I am not putting on any airs. I have no allusions about who I am or what my limitations (& Strengths) are. I have a temper and tend to lash out. I hold grudges. At times, my self esteem sucks. I have a jealous streak. I shut down when I have to do math. I am easy distracted by bright or sparkly things. I become obsessively loyal with friends and it always backfires. I deny emotional responses to things. BUT--- and the big but in all this is- love who you are! The grass is always greener on the other side, but that goes for everyone. If you traded places with someone else, you might gain a good attribute or two, but there is no telling what you might lose. Don’t risk it.

All for now loyal blog readers. Tell yourself something nice everyday- if you can’t do it- don’t expect someone else to.