I love Books AKA ...crack.

Ok I have recently decided that I have a problem. A reading problem. Like Crack. I recently started the twilight series....by recently I mean I started reading on December 27th...causally...and anyone who knows this series would know that each book is between 600-700 pages in length. Lets just say exactly 10 days later I have read ALL FOUR books in the series...

Staying up till 1:30 every night just DEVOURING pages and hiding my book in my desk drawer at work to get a page in here and there. I took my book to the gym and would loose all connection to my body for hours at a time because I was so involved in the book. I would be on the bike pedalling like a mother and not even noticing for 40...50...60 or even 70 minutes in a sitting and would repeat it again on the eliptical, the treadmill without even noticing. I would have my book in my lap driving to work...reading during red lights...I know, I am a HAZZARD. Since I was a child I was like this...I would live vicariously through the characters of the book I was reading. I would absorb their emotions, their problems...I wouldn't eat or concentrate on my own life. My mom called me an 'Empath' which means you absorb the feelings and personality traits of the people you are around because you have such a strong need to 'empathize'. I need to stay away from the depressed, angry and dangerous less i become one of them.

Speaking of which, I need to say this....Bella (the main character in Twilight) infuriates me with her weaknesses in New Moon....how she totally depends and devotes all her time and detention on the men in her life. She makes women look pathetic. having to read about her devestating breakup with Edward made me have to relive mine with Roger. The pain the feeling of you inside breaking you apart, the gaping hole in your abdomen....She made me go through it again but at least I didn't cling to another man the way she did, completely obsess about spending my time with someone else to avoid the pain in my chest. I wanted to slap her as badly as I felt FOR her...Like i took a peice of what she was feeling and made it my own. Again.

Anyway. Now i need to get myself back into 'Jamie' mode. And try to overcome the need to find a new series to devour. I need a break to feel like me. It is exhausting being so many people in a day. Wow I sound psychotic. ha ha. All for now, this weekend is comming at me fast and I am torn between two plans....arg. Tired of being torn....until next time loyal blog readers....

Home doesn't have to be where the Heart is...

What do you do when it comes to a point in your life where you have to make a big step....or walk the other way. Recently I have discussed moving in with my current boyfriend. Needless to say i am a little worried about what that means. Coming to a crossroads where you really have to evaluate what you want, where you are going and there isn't an option of staying where you are....you either go forward....or back....to square one.

With all this talk of 'relocating' (which is really all it means to me) comes the big M-word. Marriage.To be perfectly honest, in today's society, the current values aren't bound by a ceremony joining two people. Commonlaw, single parents, homosexual couples are all on the rise and with the trend in marriage being more then a 50% divorce rate, it is becoming even more important to make some long term evaluations before taking the dive.

Moving in with the person you are seeing doesn't mean what it meant 20 years ago. It used to mean a commitment to a confirmed future with that person. A show that you intended to become husband and wife and start that life together. Now with the economy the way it is, the truth of the matter is that it is just TOO difficult to live solitary. Good roomates are hard to find (god don't I know it) and the cost of living is on the rise. Not to mention (and I have many times before in previous blogs) that good friends are hard to find when you are a new graduate searching for a career in different cities then the people you once knew. There just doesn't seem to be the rush anymore to jump into a committed relationship. We live so much longer now and tolerating one person for 70+ years seems to be a daunting task for more then half the population. We are getting smarter and waiting to see if these relationships will work and that we are financially stable before having children.

This is a world where boyfriends become roomates and parents won't be grandparents (having kids so late in life). I was asked- "don't you want to wait to move in until later in your life and have a little picket white fence?" and I answer -No. I want affordable housing with a person I know well enough to tolerate and who can tolerate me and won't mind if I yell if the bills aren't paid and they're not pulling their weight. Someone I can shower with if i am late for work and can call to pick me up and take US home if my car breaks.

We have become very rational utilitarian creatures in the 21st century- all emotions aside. Love is a good emotion. A great one,..but isn't a prerequisite for moving in together anymore. Life is about convenience and what works; finding someone you work well with and not someone you are head over heals passionate about and expect to start popping out babies with in the next 5 years. Not that it isn't great if you find that. This isn't to say I am not in love with my boyfriend, but for me, it is not a factor in whether we start looking for apartments come April.
Maybe I sound a little cold. Maybe it is just the weather. Until next time, loyal blog readers....