I thought the days of being all consumed by your romantic relationship were left behind in high school dust and yet I find I am encountering it now more then ever. You remember that person who was your best friend in school, the person you always called to talk to and spent most of your spare time with- when all of a sudden they got a boyfriend or girlfriend and dropped you like an old hat. Or better yet, the friend of the opposite sex who gets a boyfriend or girlfriend and suddenly is uncharacteristically sheepish about calling and talking to you, who un-tags themselves in pictures with their arm around you like you are some skeleton they are trying to sweep out of their closet or an ex girlfriend they are trying to forget. What is the motivation behind this? Boyfriends and girlfriends are always threatened by other close relationships to their partner- opposite sex or not, the idea that there is a connection between you both that maybe they can’t achieve or needs that they can’t attend to, is the main source for all of this awkwardness.
Personally I have had more then a few close guy friends that get girlfriends and then stop talking to me. Whether it is because their girlfriend feels threatened by our friendship or the guy just wants to avoid explaining who I am and why their girlfriend should have ‘nothing to worry about’. I hate losing friends this way. It is that feeling in the pit of your stomach when you call this old friend and are excited about talking to them and when they pick up, you can hear their partner in the background say “who is that?” and you hear your friend hesitate, then say your name only to hear the disapproving groan of a response in the background. It is the feeling of knowing you aren’t allowed to be friends with that person anymore and it makes you want to tell them that their boyfriend/Girlfriend is no good for them if they won’t let them talk to their friends, but you know that will only give their partner a real reason not to like you. You can’t win. You have to bow out and hope they break up so you can re-establish a friendship with that person.
Now that I am older, I can’t afford to be loosing friends over such trivial matters. I am not going to be a home wrecker. I am not going to pursue your man. I just want his friendship. Please don’t have a personal vendetta against me because maybe I dated your boyfriend 10-15 years ago when I was a kid.
GAH! Can’t we all just get along…
