A little Perspective and a LOT of Naked

I am an expert at painting naked people.


It’s taken lots of practice and I must admit, I have had my pitfalls. In second year university I took several fine arts courses, one of which was oil painting. We spent the majority of the year painting still life (posed displays of junk- mostly flowers) and once we perfected our brush skills, we moved on to nudes. Nudes every day. We duplicated master-nudes, painted details (small snapshots) of nudes and even had live models come in for days and days to be painted in the buff. Our final project was a large painting of our own subject matter (with the instruction that it must be a nude). Most people chose to paint themselves as a nude (from a photograph that I hope was destroyed after the project). Other people hired models and used rented studio time to complete their paintings. I decided to be original and do something no one else had done. I asked Stuart to let me paint him naked.


(On a side note- if you have ever painted anyone naked, you understand what I mean when I say that nudity becomes meaningless after 3 hours of staring at butts and boobs. People become a sum of parts and you won’t remember why you were giggling at the beginning of class.)


He agreed to be my model and so I set him up in my dorm room. For five days (in 3 hour increments) he reclined in the same position (with some urging and repositioning) on my tiny little dorm room bed.

On the turn-in-day of the project was a ‘class critique’, where fellow students look at your final piece and critique your technique, colour choice, composition, subject matter and inspiration.


It was during this critique that I realized why people don’t paint in their dorm rooms and use the studio instead. My painting had appeared perfectly proportioned mid-process. ‘Surely this was the greatest thing I have ever created’, I thought. Now that I could step back and take a look at it, I recoiled in horror. The perspective was COMPLETELY OFF. I hadn’t had enough space in my closet-of-a-room to step back and check my proportions and perspective. The painting appeared to recede away from the canvas, with Stuarts body far in the background and the point of focus (and the object closest to the viewer) being *gasp* his JUNK!

Unsurprisingly, my critique centred on the visual 'focus' of my painting and my choice of....*gulp* colour variation. I admitted I had mistakenly used an inadequate space with a more than adequate model, (being my boyfriend), whom I named in front of all 25 students without thinking. Granted, he got quite the reception when he met me after class to escort me back to residence. The women seemed particularly pleased to meet him.


Though I have kept much of my art that I created during University, I decidedly threw that painting into the fire during a particularly cold May 24 camping weekend (we were in need of firewood). It popped and sizzled and was consumed by flames torturously slow. By morning, only a single piece of canvas remained in the ashes, perfectly preserved. I don't need to tell you what image remained, except that I felt cursed by the nude-painting-fairy and as a result I was the butt of all jokes for the rest of the weekend.

I'm Back...

I have been a bad blogger. It has been several months since my last post, which is sad because I had been steadily creating 2+ blog entries per month for almost 3 years now. My excuses are limited to a move, a vacation, a new position at work, some holidays and a slightly more active social life. I also got a new tablet for my birthday (called a Bamboo) and I have been experimenting with my art. I will admit, it took me a while to get used to drawing on a tablet, but I think it will be worth it because my pictures are more detailed with a more 'hand drawn' quality. Now I just have to get out of Microsoft Paint and I will be well on my way to being a pro!


So I missed creating a Halloween post- but I did make a little snapshot in honour of the occasion.

In reality, it should have been a Christmas snapshot. So I made some edits-

So instead of writing a mile long entry on all the updates in my life, I will be efficient and keep it in point form:

• The new apartment is working out nicely. All the glitches have been repaired and we have two bedrooms & two beds if anyone needs a place to crash. Photo's coming soon.
• Stuart and I (and my sister and her husband) went to Vegas for vacation at the end of October. It was my first time there and was exactly what I'd hoped it would be. Stuart and I drank Crystal Champagne (at the bar it was $1000+ dollars) offered to us by a woman in a fur vest who pronounced herself a 'porn star'. I don't mean to judge, but if she's a porn star, then I'm Van Gogh with a great tan.

• We did a pub-crawl down the strip and the best part was the partybus that takes you from club to club with the stripper pole in the centre Isle. I'm not going to lie, I tried dancing on it until the bus took a tight corner and I flew off into the lap of a stranger with a terrible beard and disposition.

• I crashed into a parking pillar at work. Yup. I was jet lagged and on autopilot for my first day back to the office and I caused $3000.00 worth of damage to the side of my leased Corolla. I am putting it through insurance because I have accident forgiveness and it shouldn't affect my rates- but I have 4 years left on my lease and I am going to have to baby this car for the rest of it. I swear the damage doesn't even look that bad.
• We put up our Christmas tree the first weekend of November along with all of our decorations. Stuart is always in such a hurry to decorate because he loves Christmas more than anything else. For me, Christmas is ready for a transition. I really want my sister to have a baby to breathe  new life into the holidays.  
• My highschool is getting shut down. PCVS is the beating heart of Peterborough. It brings life into the centre of the city and it certainly was my salvation at a time when I needed nothing more! I had to apply to get into the Arts Program at Peterborough Collegiate and was lucky enough to get accepted for visual, musical and theatric arts. I was stimulated in a way that no other highschool could have competed with. It was like Glee, without being slushied in the hallway. There were no clicks, no judgement and I have no traumatizing highschool memories. It was a group of the most talented, accepting, beautiful people that could have been collected in one spot and I mourn for all the teens that will have to survive without it. Highschool can be a cruel fate and I can't begin to count all the lives that were likely saved inside the walls of PCVS. I will feel its passing like a member of my own family.

• Stuart turned 26 on December 19th. I didn't get him a present because he never got me anything...and he normally gets gyped because his birthday is so close to Christmas. Don't worry, he got a Christmas gift.
• Stuart and I have lost an enormous amount of weight (between the two of us, it is nearly 75 pounds) and we are hoping to get back on track soon, since we obliterated all our healthy eating over Christmas.
• Our tree looked particularly nice this year and we were very spoiled:

Well, loyal blog readers...if you still exist, have a safe and happy holiday/New Years and have a toast (with me) to getting back on track and doing the things that make you happy.

Cheers!~

Birthdays & Boxes & Backwards Apartments!

So the big move has come and gone and I am exhausted. Screw a diet plan- I think I lost 20 pounds of sweat just shuffling boxes and furniture, packing, unpacking and organizing. There is no room for food during a move. I think the busier a person is- it directly correlates to how thin/in shape they are. A sedentary life-style really is the true body-killer.

For the past month I have been on a Doctor-directed (and OHIP covered, thank god) diet plan. So far I have lost about 15-20 pounds and I feel great. I think certain people can hold more weight than others. I am one of the lucky ones that gains weight EVERYWHERE so I can generally get away with carrying an extra 50 pounds that someone who has a smaller frame, can’t. It is a blessing and a curse because I let myself get away with it as well. So now that I have had some weight-aggravated medical conditions, it’s time to get back on the healthy life-style pony and get back to where I am comfortable.

Anyway, enough of my image-woes. The apartment is a two bedroom that has been gutted for our move-in-pleasure. But now that we are on day 3 in the new place, I am noticing some small anomalies that weren’t present in our other apartment (from the same complex).

The light switches are all backwards (up is off and down is on)

One of the light switches turns off the TV (why? I can’t tell you)

The hot water says cold water and the cold water says hot water.
The doors are all hung backwards, so that they don’t close unless you turn the handle.

We have the only apartment without a peep hole.

Essentially, our apartment is completely backwards and upside down. Mind you, these are all livable problems, but are exceedingly annoying.

I am officially 26 years old (as of August 25th). Because my birthday landed right in the middle of a move and a diet, it went uncelebrated, but I don’t mind. I was happy to get the move under my belt. But I won’t say I wasn’t tempted by the idea of cake.

I love cake. I could eat cake all day. Screw this pie business.

Anyway enjoy the long weekend, probably some of the last warm weather of the summer, so get your tanning, swimming and boating in before we pack it in for fall.

Until next time, loyal blog readers!



THREE THINGS I LOVE ABOUT COTTAGING

This summer has been hotter and sunnier than the previous three summers (that's the limit of my memory), and as you can imagine that means lots of cottage weekends. Spending so much time in the rustic outdoors has really made me realize all the reasons I absolutely LOVE being at the cottage. Here are my top three reasons:

1. Enjoying the lovely cottage weather-

2. Being in touch with and close to nature-

3. All the yummy Summer-BBQ-

We recently just went on vacation because, as you know from previous blog entries, they are tearing down our apartment. We must have looked at 20 places in the area, trying to find a suitable replacement. Everything was either too expensive or too inconvenient for getting to work. The result? We ended up moving to another building in the same complex. After all that time and effort- we are crossing the street. The new apartment is similar to the previous one, the difference being that it has two bedrooms instead of one. How can we afford it? Well, it is a ground level apartment with an awkward layout: (click to enlarge)

Note the random door to the bedrooms, floating in the middle of the living room. Also note how there is no 'Master' bedroom. The bigger bedroom has the smaller closet, but the bigger window. The smaller bedroom has the bigger closet and the smaller window. If all the doors are open (livingroom, linen closet, bedrooms & bathroom) they will all crash into each other because they all open out. But we can afford it! Yay!

We move in August 31st (or sooner) because the whole place needs an overhaul. So while buildings and garages are crumbling around us, we will be packing.

 Until next time, loyal blog readers...

The Thought Doesn't Always Count!

On my 17th birthday my 3 best friends surprised me by kidnapping me from my home and taking me to Sand Banks National Park to go camping. It was probably the best birthday I ever had. When my best friend, Meghan turned 17, I felt compelled to do something equally special. I wanted to give her something meaningful. Something I’d poured my heart and soul into and that showed her just how much I cared.

Despite not knowing how to sew, I decided that the most original thing I could do was create a handmade doll as part of her Birthday. I took two things that I knew about her- that she collected porcelain dolls and that she absolutely loved sun flowers- and I mashed them together.

I spent four months slaving over this two foot long sunflower doll that I created from old t-shirts, scraps of fabric and artificial leaves. I worked night and day. I dedicated after school hours to cutting and sewing and stuffing. I must have pricked my fingers 1000 times and I picked up some stitching techniques and knots along the way. Surely this was the greatest thing I had ever created! I swear, blood-sweat-and tears went into this doll and like most artists, I could see NO flaws at ALL with my creation.

I could barely wait to give it to her. On the day of her birthday, I orchestrated an elaborate reveal (where the path to the doll was littered with real sunflowers).

Her reception of the doll was not as warm as I had been expecting, but I chalked it up to her being overwhelmed by the greatness of the doll. She placed the sunflower person on top of her dresser and we went about celebrating the rest of her birthday.

Over the next few weeks I noticed that the doll had mysteriously disappeared. When I posed the question, Meghan told me it was in her closet because she needed the space on her dresser. It wasn't until several years later that I discovered the true reason:

It turns out, Meghan stashed poor Sunflower-Doll in a box in her closet because (I dragged this out of her) its' eyes followed her around the room at night and it was giving her nightmares.

Ten years later and Sunflower-Doll's fate was sealed in a basement flood in the late 90's. Where he is now? Nobody knows. But keep an eye out for glassy doll eyes following you in the dark of night!...

Muah ha ha ha ha....

MY SUBWAY & PREGNANCY NIGHTMARE!

I have a confession. I am a coward and did something spineless during one of my last visits to my home town of Bridgenorth. While on the way to my parent’s house, they had asked me to pick up some subs for the family to eat at the cottage. They gave me a detailed list over my cell phone of toppings and breads and sizes, which I repeated out loud for Stuart to hear while we were driving (two heads are always better than one, when taking orders).

When we arrived at the local sub shop of Bridgenorth, we both got out of the car and headed in, Stuart in the lead. I had taken two steps into the store when I noticed ‘OMG my ex boyfriend is standing at the counter ordering a sub!’. I immediately, without thinking, ran for the hills.

I dodged back to the car, keeping my head low- but when I tried the handle IT WAS LOCKED! (and Stuart had the keys). I looked for shelter elsewhere. I considered running into the local convenience store, but didn’t want to risk getting trapped in there if my ex decided to get dessert. I ran (and I mean it- I RAN) to the end of the strip mall and hid around the corner with my back pressed against the wall.

I knew it was an awful thing I had done. I had stuck Stuart with ordering everyone’s subs with only a secondhand knowledge of what they wanted, never mind sticking him with the bill for everything. But I simply couldn’t stand the thought of being spotted in dirty cottage clothes after a long car trip from Toronto, especially considering how drastically different I look from when he dated me (and not in a good way). So I hid.

I periodically peaked around the corner to see what was happening. When I saw Stuart come out with his bags of subs, looking around for me; I inconspicuously waved my hand. He spotted me and mouthed “what are you doing?” I managed to motion for him to drive the car over to me so I could jump in quickly (with some bizzaro charades display).

Needless to say, he was NOT happy and my excuse seemed terribly juvenile when I said it out loud. Everyone got a sub though- even if there were some discrepancies in orders- and I managed to remain elusive and unseen. Totally worth it!

My nightmare does not end there! It is every womans' worst nightmare to have a stranger insinuate that they are fat. The other day I was riding the elevator with a 'newly hired' coworker; I was carrying a big stack of documents and just minding my own business when this happened...

And of course, being the genius that I am- I immediated tried to diffuse to situation and minimize the awkwardness the best way I knew how...

I puffed out my stomach, leaned back and announced the possibility that 'yes, I might very-well be pregnant' when that is absolutely not the case (but I didn't want her to think she had just called me fat; better she think I'm stupid *rolls eyes*). In the end, she was confused; I was ashamed and neither of us wanted to speak to the other any more.

And my nightmare wouldn't be complete if the very next day I hadn't been trapped in the elevator with her again (just my luck). I decided I would be funny and announce "I'm six months today- hopefully 4 months tomorrow, ha ha". But she just averted her eyes and gave a half-hearted chuckle.

Just kill me. Until next time, loyal blog readers.

Gypsy-Brides and BOOBS!

I know a girl who had a breast reduction. It cost her about $7,000. That is more than the BEST set of boobs you could buy! I know another girl who spent about $6,000 on a pair of moderately sized and tasteful breast implants. It got me thinking and experimenting. So now whenever I see anything shaped remotely like breasts, I need to put them in my shirt.

I see this:

And I don’t think “oooh, a tasty treat”…

I think:

I have a new obsession. Gypsy Brides. Inspired by the new TLC program ‘My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding’. It’s like a terrible accident; it’s gruesome and horrible, but you can’t look away from this train wreck-of-a-culture. In short, Gypsies are travelers that rarely stay in one place for very long. Their social norms are very regimented and strict and straight out of the 18th century.

Young girls are taken out of school at 11-12 to clean their family caravans (motor homes), they are uneducated and illiterate and are often responsible for rearing their mothers’ younger children. It is a young girls’ only aspiration to get married and raise a family. They do so around the age of 16, and if they are not married by the time they are 21 or 22, they are like our current-age spinster, bringing shame to their families.

It is completely unacceptable for girls and boys to mingle, so the girls have to dress as provocatively as possible to attract a mate. He shows his interest in her by ‘grabbing’ her (which is violently dragging her into some dark corner and punching, pinching or pulling her hair until she agrees to kiss him). Despite their looks, girls must remain completely chaste until marriage, less they be disgraced by their community. They can’t go out without their parents, they can’t drink, or party or talk to boys; but MAN can they dance! Girls have been known to say that they don’t expect to be doctors or lawyers because they are meant to be housewives and their big achievement in life will be their big elaborate weddings.

Girls compete by having the biggest, most flamboyant (and often tacky) wedding dresses and wedding cakes. I think of these uneducated 16 and 17 year old girls getting hitched and imagine that they are like 6 year olds. Imagine the wedding dress designed by your little grade 1 relative and how silly and tacky and childish it is. Imagine butterflies and hearts and taffeta and make it PINK! That is what these girls do.

People from outside the gypsy community are almost never invited, but there is an open invitation to all gypsies. Unmarried girls use weddings and social events to show off their bodies and dancing skills. The problem with this culture is that girls are so repressed. They can’t work or socialize or have an educated. They clean their trailers and pop out babies at 16 years. They say more than half of marriages in the gypsy community are riddled with domestic abuse and divorce is almost unheard of because these girls have nothing if they left their men. This is happening today, in the 21st CENTURY!

In any case, I find it sick and fascinating. And even if it is every little girl’s fantasy to look like Cinderella on her wedding day, most of us have the sense to keep that dream where it belongs; in the midnight hours! However, I WILL commission pictures of any friends that want to be Gypsy brides:

So in conclusion, I am going to leave you with some thoughts and feelings-

Something I am Angry about:

My car got broken into AGAIN! I filed a police report and called my property manager to move my parking spot to a more exposed area, but that doesn't change the fact that it is going to cost me a fortune to fix!

Something I am Looking Forward to:

Our cottages are almost complete! Soon we will have a new Bunkie that can sleep six and Stuart's cottage construction should be complete by mid-July.

Something that is Frustrating me:

I am learning some new positions at work, but I am finding it difficult to balance my old and new responsibilities while we are short staffed. In light of my new tasks, I was also denied vacation because now I am considered backup for other departments and only one person can be off at a time from each one. Boo!

Thanks, that is all for now loyal blog-readers!



WE GOT EVICTED! It IS the end of the World!

So I officially got my eviction letter for our apartment. I was walking through the stairwell, coming home from work and my site supervisor was in the hallway, going door to door. He sees me and says “I come bearing bad news.” If that isn’t the understatement of the century! So he hands me my big brown envelope of death and I know immediately that my pipe dream of renting my quaint little apartment for a few more years has been abolished. I say “you’re kicking us out, aren’t you?” and all he says is “yup!” like that should answer all my questions.

We have 6 months to find a new place. We can’t even become squatters because the whole building is scheduled for demolition. Where my building stands now is going to be a parking lot or tennis court, or some other useless use of valuable living space. I knew something bad was on the way when I saw one of those brightly spray painted stakes sticking out of our front lawn saying ‘New Bell Line’. We aren’t even getting the worst of it. The couple beside us just moved in about 3 months ago. They have JUST started hanging pictures (I can hear them hammering through the walls). Stuart and I had hoped to make friends with our new neighbours, but we just ended up humiliating ourselves when we knocked on their door to tell them they had left their keys in the lock. The ‘boyfriend’ answered the door in a very small robe (obviously hers) and all the lights were off and he was NOT happy at our interruption. I guess we had wrecked the mood, so we sheepishly wandered off and are only just now starting to make eye contact again. Oh well, no harm no fowl.

On another note, the world didn’t end. However, in light of the information from above, I have no doubt MY WORLD is in an apocalyptic state. The May 2-4 weekend, may have been predicted as the ‘end of days’ but Saturday afternoon was beautiful. There was an unreal thunder and lightning storm in the middle of the night over the long weekend, and I can’t deny that I woke up thinking that maybe our log cabin might end up in a tornado like Dorothy.

Tomorrow (with humidity) it is going to be 40 degrees. I am not really a hot weather type of person. I don’t like to show my shoulders or have bare arms. I don’t really like skirts or wearing sandals. Maybe I am a prude, or am too conservative. I like layers and cardigans and jackets. In fact, I just looked down at what I am wearing- a collared shirt with a frilly collar, a pink cardigan buttoned up with a belt and a grey jacket with brown work pants. I am lame and I want to live in Autumn forever.

I always like to include ‘visual aids’ in my blogs, but I recently stumbled upon a blog called Hyperbole and a Half and she does all original artwork to accompany her blog posts and I find it hilarious. So I might try it out a little more consistently than I have in the past. Lemme know what you guys think. I am also considering making short cartoons about Hanna’s adventures as a puppy. Here is a sample image. Feedback is always appreciated!

Until next time, loyal blog readers…

JUDGEMENT DAY OR LONG WEEKEND?

Tomorrow is the Zombie Apocalypse and no one told me. I heard snippets on the radio this morning while I was getting ready for work. Those of you who know me well, know that I am a heavy survivalist advocate in the event of a viral outbreak or natural disaster (ultimately the end of the world). I have a survival plan, access to firearms and an isolated place to get me through the worst of it. But it would help if I had more than a day to prepare! I am obviously being a little quip about it because this specific apocalypse is a religious one. Some guy found a secret code in the bible or something and he has facilitated it so that the numbers say the end of the world is May 21st 2011 at 6pm. It just so happens since that is the May 2-4 weekend; I will already be in my isolated safe haven, so I really didn’t need to plan too hard.

It is supposed to start with an earth quake in New Zealand and move along our land masses, blasting our rector scales out of the water. And then it will be sort of like Noah’s Ark. So I hope everyone can swim. Ever since my obsession with Zombie outbreaks started, my biggest concern has been everybody’s pets. That would be one of my first orders of business….going door to door, letting out cats, dogs and birds (the snakes can fend for themselves). Poor pets, trapped inside cages and basements without food or water. It would be terrifying. Someone has to be their savior. In the movies, man’s best friend always comes to the rescue. Remember ‘I AM Legend’? So I will rescue them first. Getting past the living dead would be the greatest obstacle.

I am not putting much weight in the actual date, (but I am counting on something weird happening in my lifetime) but I am not going to lie, tomorrow I am wearing clothes that are layered, movable, breathable, with running capabilities and that are NOT dry-clean only!

Stuart’s cottage fell through for the weekend, so it looks like it is mine or nothing! Bunkie-Building-Bliss I guess. Our family is expanding too quickly for our one-bedroom cabin. Now that my sister is married and that I am fairly bound as well, that is six of us…with four bunk beds. So last summer we theorized that we would build a Bunkie for our family. Just a 12 by 14 little house, with windows and a door and 2 sets of bunk beds (doubles on the bottom) and a little desk vanity. Looking forward to a new structure with no mice, snakes or bugs! However the building of the bunkie will probably be laden with all those things.

Anyway, that's all for now loyal Blog Readers. Have a safe and happy Long Weekend....and bring a little extra bottled water- just in case.

DEAR FURRY FRIENDS- YOU DESERVE BETTER!

Last night I watched the special Lady Gaga episode of Glee. The theme was self love and acceptance (in honour of Lady Gaga’s new release, Born this Way). It was one of the better episodes of Glee that I have seen. I watch it for the music, not the acting or the themes, but there was a song that was sung by Quin and whatserface that really got to me. It was a mix of ‘unpretty’ by TLC and ‘I feel pretty’ that ancient show tune. It was about how Rachel was going to get a nose job to look like Quin. I am not going to lie, a tear or two rolled down my cheek.

Recently in the season finale of Grey’s Anatomy, they tried to take a page from Glee and make it a musical episode. I don’t know what producers approved it, but they should be shot. It wasn’t that the singing was bad, actually- it was quite nice, but people don’t WATCH Grey’s for the singing. They watch Glee for that. I don’t like my light hearted musicals mixing with my heavy Doctor Dramas! And I hate to say it, but the majority of the world HATE musicals. I can almost guarantee that Grey’s episode got terrible ratings because probably 90% of their audience HATES musicals, but they were forced to watch it because it was the season finale. What a trick!

Stuart says I have a veneer of hardness (lacking in emotion) most of the time, but that in truth I am a big softy (like my dad). This may very well be true. I have been finding that a lot of things have been making me cry lately. I cried watching 16 and pregnant when she delivered her baby. I cried during four weddings, during an especially emotional ceremony. I cried watching a documentary on Will & Kate’s Royal Wedding where they did an excerpt from Princess Diana’s funeral with that gay knight singing Candle in the Wind. I cried during 1 Girl 5 Gays (I LOVE that show) when one of the guys told a story and started crying. I cried during 'Dear Zachary' which was a heartbreaking documentary on Netfliks. I highly recommend it.

I think my recent crying spree was actually started by something very serious and heartbreaking. If any of you have ever heard of or seen the movie ‘Earthlings’ (I haven’t) - you are courageous to have been able to sit through it. I stumbled upon it accidentally in a shallow escapade to find a music video by Dani Shay (Justin Beiber’s female lookalike). I was scrolling through her videos on YouTube and happened across her video ‘Me & You’ which is essentially a vegan singing about how we treat animals like Happy Meals and are ignorant to the true processes behind mass produced meat. The whole video was supported by clips taken from the movie ‘Earthlings’ and I was so in shock by some of the footage I saw, that I wasn’t sure whether or not to scream, cry or throw up. Personally, I didn’t think anything with such gory footage should be allowed on YouTube of all places, which is why I was so unprepared for what I saw.

I have several friends that are vegetarians after seeing movies like this but never thought I could be swayed from my carnivorous lifestyle. I am close. I’ve had images burned into my brain that have been haunting me. Images like foxes being harvested for fur coats, where farmers will kill them by stepping on their heads to crush their skulls, as to not get blood on the fur. Clips of pigs being killed by having big rocks thrown repeatedly at their skulls (like Piggy in Lord of the Flies) and cows being left to suffer with broken legs and diseases until they are slaughtered. I couldn’t even watch the whole three minute music video. I have been trying to work through the trauma by talking to people about what I saw (and mostly people don’t want to hear it). They tell me “maybe in third world countries they do that, but Canada and the US have laws and regulations ensuring our slaughterhouses are humane”. I know for a fact that isn’t entirely true.

Many years ago, I had a friend named Cory Willshaw (R.I.P.) who worked in a slaughterhouse and his job was to slit the throats of the pigs that came by his station, hanging upside-down on a pulley system. It was his only job. A repetitive motion over and over again. Sometimes he said his arm would get tired and he wouldn’t make the cut deep enough. He says he would be able to hear them screaming as they were pulled away. The next station after bleeding the pigs was a Vat of boiling hot water, where the (supposedly) dead pigs would be lowered so get all the hair and grime off of their bodies. Cory told me that sometimes when they were lowered into that Vat, they weren’t dead and he would hear them screaming as they were lowered into it. He says it haunted his dreams. This was in our beloved CANADA!

I lose sleep over thinking about these things. The same day I watched this video, was the day I heard about the cats that were found in a dumpster a few blocks from my home. Three cats that had had their right (or left) eyes dug out with what looked to be a pen. Two of the cats were just kittens and the third was an adult. Two of them also had all their teeth smashed out. That wasn’t a third world country either. That was right in my backyard! AND it wasn’t too long before it that a 14 or 15 year old girl was gang raped a few blocks (again) from my home. The cruelty of humanity knows no bounds. I am discouraged. How can I possibly think about bringing a child into a world like this? Are we fixable? I am a pessimist. I think that the world sort of works like that old saying ‘when a door closes, god opens a window’ and in that sense, when we obliterate one form of cruelty, another pops up somewhere else.

On a lighter note, I survived a week of puppy sitting. It was actually nice to come home to someone who is SO excited to see you; they can barely contain their excitement. Also, it is nice to have a reason to get out and walk to the park to throw a tennis ball. I would say the only downside is that Hanna is so big and my apartment is so small, so she just ended up doing the loop around the kitchen and living room all night. Also my slippers didn’t fare so well…I had to brush the dog slobber out of the fur. Blah! But other than that, it was nice to have a furry companion. I myself am more of a cat person than a dog person (mainly because dogs are more like babies and need more maintenance) but I imagine I will end up with one of each.

Anyway, I am done with my bleeding heart post. I am emotionally exhausted.Until next time loyal blog readers!...

All the SOMETHINGS and MORE...

Something I am concerned about:
My hair is falling out. In handfuls and clumps. In the shower my hair clings to the tile wall like little snakes and they slither down the drain by the dozens. I looked up what could be causing it and the results were staggering. It would be as simple as a hormone change or as complex as a vitamin deficiency. I have started taking my multi vitamins again just in case. My hair is too thick to be manageable on the best of days and so I am hoping this isn’t a case of ‘be careful what you wish for’.

Something I am happy about:
Spreading Blog-Love. I have several friends and acquaintances that have taken up the art of blogging and it warms my heart. I am under no illusions that my blog is eloquent, but I am finding that some of my friends have a true gift of the gab and I am really enjoying gaining insight into their world.

Something I am looking forward to:
Cottaging! Construction is almost complete on my partner’s cottage. I am excited because now I have two cottages to visit this summer and they are both so different! I can really take joy in the diversity of cottage life for the next four months. One is rustic and isolated and quiet and gritty and log cabin paradise and the other is air conditioning, flushing toilets, leather couches and pure urban delight in busy cottage country. I can almost taste the BBQ splendor…

Something I am angry about:
Politics! I am going to state a social taboo right now: I have never voted (GASP!). I am not entirely ignorant to the goings on in politics. I took at LEAST 3-4 politics courses in university. I understand how the system works and the general platforms adopted by each of the parties in our government. However, I find it difficult to follow election leaders and listen to them bash each other and spread lies and gossip. It is like the classist version of reading tabloids. People who know all the personal conflicts and juicy bits in the lives of politicians (in my opinion) are no better than the people who follow celebrity gossip and read magazines. I do neither. I know what my political beliefs and opinions are and I know that there isn’t much point in voting. Statistically speaking, the majority of people are either Liberals or Conservatives. Just to appease Stuart, I went online and went through one of those intensive questionnaires that tells you where you stand on the political spectrum (I already knew). They show the cross sections of your opinions and give you a little diagram of where you stand. Surprise surprise, I am SMACK DAB in the middle. I am entirely a social liberal and completely a fiscal conservative. I don’t think I could have been more on the line between left and right if I tried. Therefore, does it matter if I vote Liberal or Conservative? I am going to be equally happy and disappointed if either one wins. To be honest I have a better chance of getting what I want by voting Bloq.

Something I want to try:
Photography. So few people have the opportunity to use an amazing piece of machinery like the camera my Brother In-law won as part of a Future shop incentive. This camera (let’s be honest, could make ANYONE a great photographer) is probably worth $1600.00. I KNOW I have an eye for art and composition. I am not going to turn myself into a professional or anything, I just want to take some pretty pictures. However, even I can admit that I have a tendency towards ‘clutziness’ and I imagine my sister and her husband would be nervous even letting me HOLD the camera, never mind the experimental journey I want to take it on. So I guess only time will tell if I get to explore this desire.

Something that makes me sad:
My Punta Canadian tan officially came off in my last shower. I saw it happening on my shoulders and stomach and realized I needed to stop living the dream and exfoliate. There’s no two ways about it. It’s gone. I watched it go down the drain in a stream of orangey-brown bliss. I am back to being pale me. No more exotic tan to make me seem more interesting then I really am. Sad face.

Something I am nervous about:
The time crunch for finding a new place. Our building is getting torn down in the next year or so and we have to find another place before then. Any day now, I expect to get the ‘90 days notice’ that tells us to get out. Stu and I have spent some time looking at our options in the area of yonge/Sheppard in North York and our conclusion is: there aren’t any. We have about $250,000 to spend and nothing in this area exists at that price. Even an apartment with 400 square feet and a pull down bed starts at $215,000. Looks like we will be renting some gross basement apartment from here on out.

Something I am proud of:
My lack of vices! I don’t regularly drink coffee or use workout supplements. I don’t drink heavily or participate in casual drug use. I am not addicted to anything. I don’t really need to fulfill a craving of a particular food, ever. I find it easy to diet ( I like healthy foods, but finding the will power is another thing all together). I see my friends that have to have their morning coffees or they will kill someone and it makes me happy I never indulged myself with a warm drink in the mornings.

What I am reading:
Stephen King’s The Stand .It is probably one of the very first apocalyptic books. Originally written in 1978 and was based in the late 90’s. It’s absolutely hilarious to see how someone in the late 70’s would write about the 90’s. The most astounding of all is the inflation. Gas as $1.00 a gallon, wages are still in the in the 4-5 dollar category and sometimes as low as 0.30 cents an hour. They still speak of computer and TV monitors as big tubes and colour TV as a novelty. I am struggling to see myself in this book, having lived through the 90’s and I know how wrong some of his descriptions are. But I love me some apocalypse books and will scrape my way through all 1100 pages.

What I am eating:
Uncle Ben’s Express rice; vegetable medley flavour. I love any meal that takes 90 seconds in the microwave, costs under $3.00 and is under 300 calories for the whole thing!

SPANGLISH IS BEST....over French.

Back safe and sound from Dominican Republic, Punta Cana. It was an excellent trip, the weather was great (except for one rainy day) and it was mostly 30 plus degrees every day. I had several epiphanies while on vacation though. One of which is that I am a terrible flyer. I had a bout of motion sickness on the flight there. I didn’t throw up, but Stu says I turned green and my whole body was covered in a thin veil of sweat. The flight home wasn’t as bad- less turbulence, but the pilot thought he was doing us a favour by turning sideways (I’m talking 90 degrees, both ways) so that everyone in the plane could get a clear view of the Niagra Falls and of TO. I won’t lie, my stomach was doing looptie loops and I thought I might pass out when he started the decent- VERY QUICKLY. Next time I will just knock myself out with gravol- the real stuff- none of this ginger crap.

The second epiphany I had was that I prefer visiting communist countries and that as beautiful as Punta Cana was, I will likely never go back. The star ratings in Dominican are significantly less than in other warm climate countries. So a 4 star in Dominican would be a 3 star in Cuba or Mexico. Also, they don't speak a whole lot of English. Their national languages are Spanish and French. I know a small amount of French, but I decided my Spanglish would be more entertaining for the locals.

The food was good (but everyone knows you don’t go on these vacations for the food). Excellent fruit and lots of interesting rice options, but the cheese and milk/cream are not to everybody’s taste. But the accommodations were pretty shoddy. The beds were hard and the tv and the fridge were ancient and none of the outlets but ONE worked lol (and I brought my hair straightener). I must have tried to shove it into every outlet, I even tried pulling out the plug for the coffee maker, to see if that one would accommodate my North American Plug, but I ended up ripping out the entire outlet in the process (it was painted on). Apart from the accommodations, I found that in Punta Cana, tourists are walking dollar signs to a lot of the employees on and off the resort. You get bombarded by people wandering the beaches and around the pools trying sell you shirts, photos and excursions and EVERYONE wants a tip, in fact, they demand it. Our baggage boy actually said “service complete, tip now!” in the airport, no less.

We went on two excursions, a buggy tour though a farming village and horseback riding on the beach. During the buggy tour the children surround all tourists yelling “give me money, give me money” and if you don’t, their little fingers and grasping hands find their way into your purse or your pockets and the next thing you know, your tour guide is pulling children off of you, scolding them for trying to rob you blind. I had brought a couple pens from the resort to give to some of the nicer kids and while trying to hand them to a child, another ripped them out of my hand with a glare and I had to yell at him in Spanish to share with the other child. In Cuba, people didn’t care about your money because they couldn’t keep it. Wealth gets redistributed to the people and they like to be tipped with ‘stuff’ over cash, which I prefer.

The horses were great. They were all fast and spirited, even Jordana (who hates horses) enjoyed it. The tour guide noticed in the first 15 minutes that I was a fairly advanced rider and so he traded me horses. He says “you, get off” and at first I thought I was in trouble. So I dismounted and he hands me the reins for the horse he was on. “You rider girl, you take my horse Spilio, he is mine and mucho faster”.

He gave me his OWN PERSONAL HORSE that isn’t used for tourists. It was UNREAL…this horse was so fast and spirited and they let me run ahead of the group at a gallop. They gave Steve the biggest (north American looking) horse, that was a big stallion, but he was lazy compared to the geldings that everyone else rode, which seemed odd.

We played some beach volleyball, where I was an MVP and then we played tennis, where I was useless under the glaring mid-day sun. The boys played a lot of chess with those gigantic chess pieces and I think Stuart may have won a single game out of 5 or 6. We didn’t buy much there because the prices were criminal. They tried charging me 43 dollars for flip flops and 36 dollars for SUNSCREEN!! The prices on the resort were appalling.

But we did catch some of the local vendors and bought some jewelry and trinkets (the turtle is like their mascot). I didn’t get much colour and either did Stuart. We found out pretty early that he is allergic to sun, or the sunscreen because he broke out in boils all over his body. I swear though, because Americans go to Dominican, I have never seen so many TERRIBLE beach bodies! HUGE woman in small bikinis and EVERYONE was topless (Euro style). Nor have I seen so many men in banana hammocks or tiny little euro shorts. Also,I have never seen so many ugly wrinkly sagging boobs in deep tan brown in my LIFE lol. Stuart was shocked at first but said by the end of the week, he was numb to boobs.

And of course, no trip would be complete without me getting some sort of virus before the end of the trip. Sore throat, congestion and the D’s. I am pretty well over it now, but there is nothing like being in warm climates or in an airport with the grumblies in your tumblies.

The last epiphany I had was that I am definitely 26. Yeah, it sounds young until you start trying to drink with the 18 year olds that you befriended on the resort. Or try dancing with them at the Disco (which is another thing I didn’t like at the resort. It was a PAY BAR. At a resort where every bar is free and flowing, when you finally really want to party at the club, you gotta fork out the Americana deniro). We made a few friends on the resort ….two of them were these 45 year old cougars that left their husband and kids at home to come and mess around with the staff. Good looking and REALLY funny ladies, but they were hooking up with locals and I wouldn’t be surprised if they bring their husbands more than souvenirs when they get home.

All in all, it was a great experience and gave me a taste for the vacation lifestyle. It’s an itch I want to scratch again, and soon. It was Stuart’s first All Inclusive experience and I don’t think he is complaining, but he does like a vacation with a little more structure. He once told me he thought it would be like the ‘Hard Rock on Sundays’ where everyone is good looking and dancing and partying the entire week away. I think he was a little shocked and appalled at the beached whales that were staying at the resort. Oh well, we could have gone to a more ‘spring break’ type of location and the problem would have been that WE were the beached whales. I definitely don’t prefer the latter.

Until next time, Loyal Blog Readers…

The Zombie Apocalypse and Me.

Random Thought of the Day:

I measure the value of my clothing by how useful they would be if a zombie apocalypse happened while I was wearing them. For instance, are they easy to run in? Would they keep me warm if I had to sleep outside? Would they last a long time if I wasn’t able to change them for several days or weeks? Are the shoes warm and not too high heeled? I mean, I love wearing heels, but I feel like I am risking my life every time I wear a pair to work.

So I have plans to go to Punta Cana at the end of March with my family and …man. I hate the word partner! Partner sound too politically correct and unfortunately, gives the impression that I might be referring to my ‘girlfriend’. But ‘boyfriend’ feels too juvenile and has never really sat well with me. He is not a ‘boy’ and is no longer my ‘friend’, (but something much more intimate) and should not be referred to as such. I would rather deny having a ‘boyfriend’ than have to use the term (which has gotten me in to trouble in the past). It just reminds me of a boy or girl on the school yard, going up to someone and asking them to be their boy/girlfriend. Husband is a term that definitely jumps the gun, so it isn’t suitable either. They really need to find a term between boyfriend and husband that marks a relationship as (possibly) common law, or serious, or long term. A middle ground.

Anyway, my thoughts are wandering. So warm climates and real tans and fresh fruit and beach volleyball. These are the thoughts that are getting me through the cold winter months. I have been tanning at least twice a week, to keep myself safe in the harsh tropical sunlight. I have been regularly working out so that I am not completely humiliated in a bathing suit. AND I have been shopping for cute little summer pieces and tankinis. You can imagine how difficult it is to find summer clothes in the dead of winter.

My parents just upgraded some of their electronics and somehow in the process, Stuart and I ended up with a new x-box and surround sound. I am not going to complain about 6 speakers around my living room, but I will admit, I was hesitant to take my dad’s barely used game system. I was worried Stuart would spend his days and nights playing NHL hockey and Call of Duty. But in reality, we found a new use for the game console- NETFLIKS!!! We spend our days and nights watching movies and TV online. Netfliks doesn’t have the greatest selection, but it certainly is entertaining. Now I am worried that we are going to go over our allotted Internet usage.

Mood:
Off. Ever have one of those days when you just don’t feel like yourself?

Thing I am angry about:
Having my credit card denied at a gas station and having the attendant announce it over the loud speaker! Who does that!?

Thing I am anxious about:
My car needs all the locks replaced because someone broke into it with a screw driver. Now I need new keys, new locks on driver door and trunk, and to rekey the ignition cylinder. I hate Toronto.

Thing I am excited about:
My friend’s Alex and Kelsey just had a baby girl, Molly! I can’t wait to see her.

Last great experience:
My sister’s birthday bash! We went to Bier Markt and a club called ‘Dolce’ and there were go-go dancers wearing almost nothing, dancing on big speakers.

Anyway, I like these little headers- they are succinct and to the point. Maybe my next blog will just be these little one liners, they read more like my diary than a blog. Until next time, loyal blog readers.