Dispatched into the world of 9 to 5> Boo!

Thought of the day-

What is this Twitter anyway?

I swear. I added it. I gave it a go. I even added Spencer Pratt to my list of those I follow. But honestly? Who cares what celebrities are doing every hour on the hour. I use facebook for most of my status updates anyway and what is twitter but the 'status' function without the help of pictures and applications to move you along? Seems like an utter waste of time to me. I have a single follower. Someone who probably thought I was someone else. I had a dream that all the same people that have me on facebook added me on twitter. Most of these people don't talk to me, so what do they care if I am 'having a good day' or 'bought a rug' or am 'going to the grocery store'. Sorry Twitter, but I think I'll stick with Facebook. It is just one more site to get addicted to. I think I will leave it for the Americans. It seems to be more their thing anyway...

So I managed to drag Stuart to Ikea with me to buy an area rug. I swore up and down that I wouldn't dawdle and would have narrow vision all the way to the rug department. Needless to say we left with some scissors, a bag holder, two plants, two planters, a beach towel and a rug. Sorry Stu. What do you expect a girl to do when it is her second time in a huge store like ikea where every direction has tasteful colours and compositions....it is a trap.

Sadly, today I sent my resignation letter to the Guelph Police. No more dispatching for me :( it is probably for the best though because last time I worked a night shift for them about 5 months ago, the station had new phone and computer systems and I didn't know how to work anything and none of my passwords and sign ins worked. Despite my sadness at not being able to work with my favorite cops at the cop shop- I won't miss the 1am and 2am phone calls asking me to come in for shifts the following morning. Either will my mom.

The police community has such strong solidarity that you can't help but feel you are part of something special; some secret society that no one outside of the station is privy to. I realize that I wasn't a police officer, but we get treated like them inside the station and a very wise dispatcher once told me "police dispatchers tell police where to go.." so therefore without us they might never get there to save lives and break up fights and whatever other horrors can emerge on a University campus in the dead of night. The thing I will miss MOST is wearing the little headset. That's right.

So ...New Gym. Coed. Men...sweaty. Working out beside me. Distractions. I have been once. lol. I am so used to a woman's only that I forgot what it is like to be female working out with men. Even if you are ugly, they stare at you. Frig....makes you want to work out harder though because you know they are measuring you up. Bah! All for now, loyal blog readers- if there are any?

Stick to your Guns....Just don't shoot yourself with them!

(TEXT HAS BEEN EDITED OUT FOR PROTECTION OF BLOG WRITER- ME!

It's Trendy to be forever out of Style.

How come once you become really accustomed and good at portraying a trend, it suddenly changes. For instance, I just got a really nice hair straightener and have figured out how to perfectly straighten my hair- got the right products and techniques and now all of a sudden- Big & bold is better. Big curls and volume and waves are desired and I suck at that.

Or how about flares....I managed to acquire a bunch of really funky flares in grade school and then- WHAM- wide leg. And tights...I finally found the courage to sport the tight colourful tights under dresses and skirts and it is slowly being phased out for skinny jeans. I can't wear those! I was just mastering the layered look with cropped jackets and now everything is the long lean silhouette. Sorry hunny- that ain't me.

In high school i finally found the cash for some clunky heals and then...BOOM-pointy thin stilettos. I should have saved all my plaid shirts when I just didn't give a damn because, you know that month, when they came back? (probably because Lauren Conrad started wearing them)....well I missed it! I had so much flannel plaid!

I buy curve hugging lou lou lemon and then it is cool to have boyfriend pants (baggy sweats!)

I get those flowy floural shirts and then everything is STRIPES!

It is so uncool! So I guess I will just be out of style. Or not out...just one or two steps behind....

As SHARP as a KNIFE!

Here are my thoughts for the day:

If in heat particles expand and wood and objects generally get bigger and in cold, particles squeeze together and objects get smaller (the perfect example is the front door of a house in summer might scuff the floor and not close properly and in winter it swings wide with extra space). So if this is the logic, then how come people SHRINK in saunas? I mean, I know the science behind it- what with sweating off the inches) but if it were to follow the hot/cold trend- then shouldn't we bloat in the heat? And you know that common thought that people feel fatter in winter and thinner in summer....wouldn't that be backwards? I wish the world was more consistent.

So the weather is getting warmer and summer clothes are a little tighter then they were last year. That's the problem with moving. You dig out the things that have been lost in your closet, either purposefully or accidentally. You see the pretty skirts from when you were 18 and the bar tops from early university life and it makes you nostalgic and you stare at yourself even harder in the mirror afterwards.

Is that a wrinkle that wasn't there yesterday? Do I see blue veins on my eyelids? I know I will never wear those things again. I will never be as young as I am right now and if I am too old for it now....So you lock them away in storage bins hoping that next time you move you might be able to at least put them on for old times sake and not just glare at them bitterly.

For one last Hurrah I found a salon in North York and put bleached blonde streaks in my hair to feel like a bombshell, when in reality, I know I won't be going out and getting drunk or sleased out any time soon. In actuality I am perusing the Internet for used furniture to outfit my apartment and researching plants that flourish inside in the shade.

Since moving into the GTA I have found my fear has exponentially increased. I am not denying that I have a bit of paranoia about being attacked by a senseless mugger in the fading dusk while innocently walking to get groceries- but it could happen! All my life I have attracted weirdos- that's not just a comment on those I have dated, but really weird people- homeless addicts sitting beside me on buses telling me their life stories....I am ALWAYS the person that cars pull over to ask directions or other strange questions like "where's a good place to get greasy Chinese around here?" Keep in mind there could be any number of people on the street with me and I would STILL be the chosen target.

So now when I walk anywhere...every face is an enemy, every set of footsteps behind me is a stalker and every set of darting eyes are looking to disarm me. It doesn't help matters that while Stu and I were house shopping, we saw a man rob a woman not more then 20 steps from us and no more then 3 blocks from where we are living now.

I expressed these concerns to my dad, and being the over protective mans-man that he is- he provided me with a selection of switch blades and jack knifes and any other kinds of knifes to choose from. I chose a small button operated- non automatic swing blade with a two inch blade. It fits neatly into the back pocket of my purse that has easy- hidden access if I need to get it discreetly. All my mom and sister could do was laugh and express their fear for Stuarts life, now that I am armed. You watch, I will use it when I get attacked and then who will be laughing!

On my first lonely walk to the grocery store at nine o'clock at night, I kept my hand resting on it the whole way. My heart was beating a mile a minute.

I imagine the feeling will go away as I become more comfortable with the area. I hope so. All for now, loyal blog readers!

Home Bitter-Sweet Home

Here are my thoughts for the day-

If sun bleaches hair, clothing, curtains, most fabrics and almost all colours-then why does skin get DARKER in the sun. It's a conundrum. I understand the science behind it, what with the melanin and all that (after all i am a retired tanning consultant) but the logic behind it is backwards and non-deductive.

So we moved into our new place on Tuesday. A cute little apartment with hardwood floors, big windows, small kitchen and single bedroom. A feature worth noting is the fact that there is a window in the shower. It IS frosted, but when you open it, there is nothing but the screen to keep your nudity from the world. One day when I am feeling particularly bold, I may put on a little show. lol.

We have no large pieces of furniture: No couch or desk or drawers or table or chairs....not even a TV. All of that will hopefully come on the weekend. In the meantime we are living amongst storage bins and boxes. My clothes are in a garbage bag and I spend my nights unpacking dishes and building shelves.

The drive to work is a breeze, however I ran into a bit of a blunder with parking. I was supposed to be assigned a parking space but was never contacted by the landlord so I have been parking in a perpetually vacant parking spot for the past 3 nights until I have time to call him. This morning I was met by a drunken neighbour- and when I say drunken- I mean a man in his 50's about 6'2 with a beer gut, a beard and a housecoat REEKING of booze. Most importantly, a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other (this is as 7:30 in the morning) tapping on my window and slurring "HeY! CaN YOu NOt pArK iN my pARkinG SpOT?"

I of course am shocked and can only sputter something about being given the wrong spot # and that it won't happen again in the future. I started driving away before he finished expressing his anger about the hassle of trying to find another spot...or I should say I accidentally put my car into drive and almost hit the parking divider before finding reverse and hauling my ass out of there. As I watched him shrink in my rear view mirror, I imagined him hucking his beer at the back of my car in drunken rage, but then I though ' a true alcoholic would never waste a beer to huck it at a car, they would just drown their rage- in more beer'.

I am contemplating replaying this little interaction for the landlord, but I am not sure what he'd do. Tell this tenant not to confront other tenants in the early morning while intoxicated, but to leave a message to the landlord to handle it? That would be appropriate I guess, but I would have missed out on all the excitement from the encounter.

On a more positive note, there is an adorable puppy that lives in one of the apartments in our building and we have been extended an invitation to play with him whenever we want. His name is Doc and he is a little golden retriever puppy. Anyway, more updates coming soon- stay posted loyal blog readers.