Looking Better=Feeling Worse

So it’s finally over. Talk about an anti-climax. You spend a whole year planning and worrying over every detail of a wedding and it is over in a flash. If there was ever a wedding to be proud of though, it would be my sister’s. Even the smallest details added to the overall feel and flair of the wedding. From specially colour coordinated place cards and menus, to a candy theme consistently running though the reception. My sister thought of everything and nothing was missed.

Jordana wanted nothing but an outdoor ceremony and when it started to rain the day of the wedding, we all started to get the jitters. It poured ALL DAY and we started getting ready for plan B….which would have been to have the ceremony in the reception hall and move all the tables out of the way and then back for dinner. It would have been messy and disorganized, but thankfully it stopped raining 25 minutes before the ceremony was due to start. Dad was filled with Pride as he walked my sister down the aisle and I held back tears while my sister and (now brother-in-law) said their vows. The ONLY issue was the officiant. Humanist officiants (who are willing to perform marriage ceremonies without religion) are rare and are especially hard to find in the Kawartha region.

To say the least, my sister settled for an old retired couple from the area that had given her attitude from the very beginning. So on the day of, it was no surprise to me that he gave me attitude as well. The only issue was that it was IN FRONT of 100 guests!!! Here we all were standing up at the front of the alter, waiting for my sister to walk down the aisle and I can see her, linked arms with my father, waiting for everyone to rise so she can start the march. I look at the officiant and he is lazily looking at the crowd saying NOTHING. People start to get ancy and look around and to each other to see what they should do. I look at the wedding party and everyone is starting to look panicked and unsure. I see my sister and my dad shuffling back and fourth, unsure if they should start to walk. I look to the bridesmaids and I ask quietly if I should give the cue and I get a curt nod telling me that SOMEONE SHOULD. So I say “Could everyone please rise for the Bride”. Immediately relieved, everyone stands and turns to receive her as she begins the walk with my Dad. The DICK HOLE of an officiant turns to me and announces loudly- “Hey! That was my line- do you wanna do my job as well?” I swear it echoed over everyone’s head. I am shocked, but angry enough to reply with “someone should!”

Luckily, my sister escaped the drama and her grand entrance took everyone’s eyes from my heated face. She was absolutely glowing! And thanks to her lovely makeup and hair person who made us perdy! (I tried to do my own hair, but that absolutely backfired and she saved the day- with hardly a minute to spare).

So the ceremony was beautiful- never mind the fact that the DICK HOLE had a slight lisp and never took his eyes off the paper in his hand and barked orders to the bridesmaids about taking Jordana’s flowers and straightening her train and signing the documents. I had every intention of kicking him out after the ceremony. NO WAY were we going to invite him to dinner or cocktails. But the man essentially ran from us the moment he was done. With barely a murmured thanks, he was gone and GOOD RIDDANCE. The worst situation after a wedding is to lose the marriage documents. Well the DICKHOLE, before leaving, had handed them off to who he THOUGHT was the mother of the bride, but turned out to be our cousin, who later handed me the documents, unsure why she got them. Thank god he didn’t hand them to a quirkier guest who might have kept them as a memento. Ha ha.

I originally had reservations about being maid of honour. Since my recent weight gain, I have avoided photos fervently. I knew that being in the wedding party would mean a formal wedding shoot and that is my biggest fear. I told myself I would avoid as many informal snapshots as possible, while smiling as true as possible in front of the professional photographer. Any photos I smiled for I asked- “please don’t put it on the internet- I don’t like being in photos.” Most people smiled and nodded, but every day I check facebook with apprehension waiting to see myself. I haven’t been disappointed.

When you see yourself in photos, it is a true slap in the face. Most people can’t TRULY see themselves when they look in the mirror. We see ourselves every day and weight gain can seem subtle. But in photos (which are mostly unforgiving anyway) you cannot escape the image by shifting or smiling….What you really look like to others is plastered there. If you ever lose weight and look back at the photos, you will feel humiliated because you let yourself be that way. If you don’t lose weight, you will still just hate seeing the photos because it will be a constant reminder of the way you wish you didn’t look on your sister’s wedding day. It can ruin a PERFECTLY GOOD DAY! So I chose NOT TO LOOK. So stop forcing me by tagging me in an awful shot or posting a particularly humiliating view of my dancing in shiny orange taffeta. My boyfriend can attest to the fact that I watch the screen and my face will drop and I won’t want to do much of anything for the rest of the day. There is no other mood killer, like seeing yourself look like a gorilla in what you thought was a pretty dress and hairstyle.

ALSO- Just a note to all those people who have NEVER had a weight problem- NEVER COMPLIMENT people on ‘looking better’ or ‘looking so good and healthy compared to before” after losing pounds. It is a backwards compliment. You are saying ‘you look better than you did when you were fat’ and it is just like bashing the boyfriend after the breakup- it’s dangerous because they can always come back!

Telling people they are making great progress is perfectly acceptable…but don’t place a judgment on it. Even at our heaviest, we still want to feel attractive and don’t want to be told we were living a lie after the fact. I have even been told “wow Jamie, you have lost so many sizes. You were big before, but now you are tiny!” …don’t say that. It makes us hate you….ha ha
There should be NO better or worse attached to weight….it is just a ‘different look’….no better…no worse. Health should be the only place where ‘better’ can be applied, but I will say that even at my heaviest, I was still strong, could still run and considered myself in better shape than most of my thin friends. My health is not the issue.

So just a heads up for those who think they are doing us a favour….you’re not. Anyway- I sound entirely too bitter for a post wedding blog. It is summer time and Canada Day! Let’s be patriotic and wear our red and whites. See you at the cottage!