DON'T STEAL DEER- STEAL BEER!

I drive home while the sky is pink in November. Most people think November is depressing because it gets dark so early. I find it comforting to look at the horizon speckled with skyscrapers floating on a pink and purple canvas. There, that is my artist’s vision for the week.

So I am on a diet. Like every day of my life- I am trying to slim down before the shortbreads and turkeys and candy canes of Christmas get the better of me. On that note, can someone please remind the malls and the banks that they are in the wrong month? It is sacrilegious to put up Christmas trees on November 1st. On a similar note, can someone please tell the back-road hicks that Halloween is over and that it is no longer appropriate to have rotting pumpkins on your stoop and corpses hanging in your yard?

Anyway, as I was saying- THIS diet isn’t really a diet because I am trying to permanently alter my eating habits. I have officially cut out ‘whites’ as per the advice of my mother. No white rice, no bread, no potatoes, no white sugar treats. And of course the obvious- no pop, no cheese and no…..well ok, I CAN have most fruits and veggies (lots of raw foods) and any protein (in moderation) I desire. The result is that I am finally losing weight. Along with my vigorous workout regime I have lost 6-7 pounds in two weeks. I have brought soy patties and tofu into my diet. You would be surprised what you are willing to eat when you are hungry enough. I still eat carbs. This isn’t a fad diet. Most fruits and veggis have carbs and I am eating lots of those (at the expense of my bank account). I hate that eating healthy breaks the bank. Not to mention that you have to go shopping twice as often because perishables don’t last. They perish…lol.

And the best thing about my new ‘healthy eating’ venture is that I am not doing it alone. My partner recently picked up the annoying habit of snoring. I believe it was because he had put on more weight than his body could realistically support. He has a small frame and is 6’0 but weighed nearly 215. His most comfortable weight is around 185. So together we are working on resisting temptation and I am happy to announce he has lost about 10 pounds and has almost stopped snoring. And no cheating. Yet.

I figure it is healthy to have a ‘cheat day’ where we get to have a treat we have been craving, but not until our progress outweighs the risk of reneging. I am dying for a slice of pizza, but I will keep that as the light at the end of my tunnel.

I need a good multi-vitamin that is high quality with lots of B-vitamins….anyone know of a good brand?

Frustrating Story of the Month:

So my dad is an avid hunter. Nothing he shoots goes to waste. If you know anything about deer hunting, you would know that it takes A LOT of work to find, shoot and clean and cook a deer. There is lots of walking through the bush, lots of path making and climbing and waiting and then when you DO shoot one, you have a short period of time to gut and drain a deer to make sure the meat stays fresh and doesn’t get ‘gamey’. You also have to find a way to get the 200-250 pound deer back to the Hunt camp and then hang the deer to drain the blood for several days, so the meat gets tender.

So recently my Dad was hunting at his Hunt camp up near Bobcaygen the son of another hunter came hunting and shot his FIRST deer. It was a prize buck, probably a 10 pointer (antlers) and he was so proud, he was going to get the head stuffed and mounted. Anyway- they went to all the work to get it back to camp and hang it and then in the middle of the night a group of gutless poachers came and STOLE this poor kid’s buck. Just cut it down and dragged it off to whatever fate. One of the idiots even lost his knife that he had used to cut it down. So now all the guys at the camp have no deer to show for all their effort. And the cost of a tag for a buck can cost over $100.00 and you normally only get ONE. So if you hear any stories about jerks that steal deer from hardworking hunters- REPORT THEM!

Ode to October...

Thought of the Day:

The most random and unexpected (consequentially the most interesting) thing that could happen to a person would be for you to be sitting in a restaurant (any old pub and grill) and have every person in the restaurant over the age of 70 (and there are lots) break into song. Some very fashionable 50’s swing music would be best. And you would eat your generic wrap and French fries and enjoy some complex harmonies in the rich baritone of elderly male voices. And then when they finish…you realize you are the only couple in the restaurant not in the old man choir….and so you clap, awkwardly. By no means is this intended to inspire an encore. But it does. So you sit through a few more songs and clap along with the wait staff at the end of each one. Yes, that would be so random and interesting. I wish,…no, WAIT. That DID happen to me…well shucks.

        Book Review of the Month:

I Recently finished a trilogy called ‘Chaos Walking’ by Patrick Ness and it has left me feeling emotionally drained and shaken and wanting more (which is something that any good trilogy should make you want). It is the story of settlers on a new planet (and no it is not sci-fi, not really) where every living creature has ‘noise’- a germ that causes every spoken and visual thought to be openly and loudly communicated. It’s a place where women (the only ones without noise) are often murdered or segregated. The story follows the struggles of two teens, searching for safety by moving from town to town, outrunning an army, lead by a crazy and charismatic villain. My favorite part about the books is that the animals have their own noise. And yet, their noise isn’t the thoughts of people, but of actual animals. For instance, a real dog thinks of food and bowel movements and a fish thinks about how hungry it is and a horse thinks about leading and following. The writing is from a 3 pronged, first person perspective.

I think the thing I like best about Patrick Ness is (and I will compare him to the power-house writer Stephen King, in this sense) that he isn’t afraid to hurt his reader. To mortally wound them, even. He doesn’t stand by the rules that there is a core group of characters that you don’t touch and that survive at all odds. He breaks your heart and his plot twists are dangerous and unpredictable. There is no such thing as a perfect happy ending with Patrick Ness (and the same applies to Mr. King).

If you have read Stephen King’s ‘Under the Dome’ you know what I mean when I say you come away feeling like you have been riding an intense emotional roller coaster. You feel a little nauseous, a lot exhilarated and a little sad to be done the ride. It is the same feeling I got from Patrick Ness’s three books: The Knife of Never Letting go, The Ask and the Answer and Monsters of Men. These books are classified as Young Adult Fiction, but the writing isn’t fluffy. It is raw and real and I think these books would apply to any and all readers.

Under the Dome, similarly follows the story of a few core characters fighting the same sort of political mastermind/mayor after the town has been taken hostage by an impenetrable dome of unknown origin, covering the entire town. People die, animals die and Stephen King describes all the horror in an uncaring voice. As a reader, I was shocked and appalled and addicted.

Now, on to real life-

I recently used the rest of my 2010 vacation days to go on a road trip with my lovely sister to Kentucky (and I was teased for accidentally spelling it Kuntucky on a Facebook post, but covered it up by saying I was spelling it phonetically with an accent) to visit her friend and brides maid, Misty. In Summary, Kentucky means (for me) Chicken and waffles, ten hour drives, horse races with teens in prom dresses, Khols, cheap gas and sprawling hills. I think the most remarkable thing about Kentucky is the landscape. The high natural rock bridges and the huge old horse ranches. Old money, so old in fact you can tell they still have slave quarters (even though slavery hasn't been practiced there for nearly 100 some odd years). I have so many pictures of horses on acres and acres of land.

There was even a real castle on the way to Keenland (where they hold the Kentucky Derby). I guess the story goes that a man loved his wife so much that he started building her a castle (and this is in the 21st century and these people are still alive) and when the castle wasn't even complete, she left him for someone else. So the castle sat there rotting for several years and many people wanted to buy it and turn it into a bed and breakfast or a theme park, or anything of the like. I would have probably turned it into a stage for the real life acting of dungeons and dragons. There ARE enough nerds in the world that would pay me a fortune to come and play dressup for the weekend at a REAL castle. Eventually it sold and was turned into a hotel (a VERY exclusive hotel) and several years ago, it burnt down and the public outcry was so huge (people leaving flowers at the gate and crying and being all dramatic)that it finally convinced the owner to rebuild. And so now it stands, proud and refurbished on the top of a hill- a real centerpiece of Kentucky pride.

Keenland itself is another Kentucky symbol. These people are mad about their horse racing. Surprisingly I knew how it worked. Sadly, the only reason I new how to bet on the horse races is because of the Facebook game 'Horse Racing' where you make and race your own cartoon horsies. Lame. I know. Misty warned us beforehand that there would be all walks of life at these Horse Races (and there were). You get the filthy rich, that own and race the horses. You can pick them out because they are wearing the ugly jackets you buy AT Keenland, with all the lucky horseshoes on them. Tacky as hell, but cost like $800.00. Then there are their kids. They are the zit faced ones wearing 3 inch heals and prom dresses and full suits. You can see them hanging out the back of their cars and trucks listening to music and grilling meat on travel grills. Misty tells us they're called 'tailgate paties'. I am sure we have them in Canada too, but Kentucky people LOVE to tailgate.

Then you have the alcoholics and gambling addicts (you can REALLY pick em out, even if it is just by smell) and you have the tourists and visitors. All walks. Speaking of Alcohol, during an attempt to buy a margarita at the track, they looked at Jordana's and my Ontario ID's and just gave us a dumb look like we were illegal aliens from mars. It took 15 minutes for someone who knew anything about Canadian Identification to come and look at them and even then, I heard her say "where are the ages on these things" and after pointing it out, while trying to maintain some form of Canadian Nicety, we got our drinks and claimed a table outside in the sun.

The weather is considerably warmer there. It was shorts and T-shirt weather in Mid October. Except in the morning. We did a cancer walk with our hosts. We had our bright t-shirts and our coats and running shoes and joined most of the town to do a two...mile...walk around the town square.  I swear, every woman I saw had big blonde hair and big blue eyes and was athletic . I just didn't measure up-lol. In Canada, especially in Toronto, I am a minority with my pale features. Out there, I was just one of the masses.

Misty's husband, who is well versed in Kentucky history and culture (when I asked why I hadn't seen many ethnic people and if it was because the 'South' still harboured racist tendencies) said that actually there are lots of groups of ethnic people, but they tend to keep to themselves instead of intermixing, like those in Toronto. He showed me signs of the old culture, where roads were named by the price of slaves and we saw a little town that was separated by train tracks that went right through the middle of main street because, he said, that one side of stores were meant for 'blacks' and the other side was for 'whites'. It was so strange to get a taste of the old world. Even the architecture was different on each side. But now all the stores are 'equal opportunity' (ha) and are mostly cute little boutiques selling toys and books and homemade jewelry.

On a final Kentucky note. The food is delicious. Mmm Grits and fried...everything. I bought a leather jacket because the prices were so good (and the Canadian Dollar was strong, which was awesome). I love Khols. It is like a high-class Winners with more selection. Also- the Wendy's in the USA Sucks! Their menu is totally different. They don't even have a fish sandwich.

And now, a word for MY sponsors:

Dear OSAP,

I owe you lots of money. I really don't think it is in my best interests to pay you back. Ever. The money you fronted me, paid for an education that has gotten me nowhere. I think you should have a clause that says if the education we have gone into debt for, is useless, and never gets us a job earning more than minimum wage- we just call it even. This is because, I wasted 4 years of my life reading about Karl Marx and you wasted 12 grand. Even. Just a suggestion. Mainly because I have to work for a full solid day for free, just to cover the interest you scrape off the top of my bank account each month. Please stop. I am sick of eating chick peas for dinner.
Thank you.

 Dear Canadian ...IBC...Bank,

I owe you lots of money. I really don't think it is in my best interests to pay you back. Ever.The money you gave me in a student line of credit, in the amount of $25,000.00 was a lot to give a 21 year old. Most parents barely trust their 21 year olds with a house key- nevermind a down payment on a house. I squandered the money you gave me on a trip to Cuba, a gym membership I didn't use, a new laptop and booze. I did use some of it for school and for rent, but your assumption that I would be able to start paying you back after graduation, with my high-paying, corporate position, was unfounded. I barely make minimum wage and have to work more than a full day, just to pay off the interest you are skimming off my bank account each month. Please stop. I am sick of living in overdraft. The climate there sucks.
Thank you.

Dear Toyota Canada,

Thanks for giving me a car. However, when you did the credit check and found I had a 95% INCOME TO DEBT RATIO, on what basis did you decide I would be a good candidate to drive one of your vehicles? I will gladly drive your car free of charge. I will even put a logo of your choosing on the side, but I cannot pay $200.00 a month on a continual basis. I can realistically afford a few more months of payments and then I will gladly take the car off your hands.
Thank you for your continued support of getting me to work.

Dear Mastercard...s,

I really appreciate all the HBC reward points and Air Miles. However, because of all your great incentives, I cannot be held responsible for the outlandish amount owing on these cards. The temptation really isn't fair. I feel I am being manipulated into buying new curtains and bed sheets, new lamps and baking dishes, books and boots and braziers. I think it is completely reasonable to assume that we are both equally accountable for my debt to you, so let’s say we split it 50/50.
Just in case you’re curious, these items cannot be returned because someone has removed all the tags and lost all the receipts.Thank you for your continued support of keeping me trendy and fashionable.

With Thanks To Give...

I have never been much of an ambitious cook. I eat and cook like a Torontonian- raw foods, quick and easy. George Forman chicken and 5 minute rice. But recently my sister has been hosting Sunday Night Dinners and it was long overdue that I reciprocate.

They say you should never introduce new recipes to company. But what if you don’t cook? Then everything is a new recipe. I have no doubt I would be good at cooking because it is in my genes. My mom is an EXCELLENT cook because she has spent years and years perfecting recipes and she is not afraid to take risks. She is so good, in fact, that my dad will ONLY eat her food. If we have potluck, he will gorge himself on her entrée…forget my sister’s yummy potatoes or my fantastic devilled eggs. If my mom didn’t make it, he won’t eat it. He will starve with a table full of food in front of him if it doesn’t have my mom’s signature touches.

So I decided (along with a few helpful hints from my boyfriend and sister) to host a Sunday Dinner. To spare you the suspense, it went well- but MAN was it a lot of work! I ended up making stuffed mushrooms (my mom’s recipe) with cream cheese, mushroom stems, onion, garlic and bacon and Bruchetta on rings of French baguette, with chopped garlic, onion, tomatoes and oil, topped with shredded parmesan cheese and broiled in the oven, to start. For the main course, I made cabbage rolls (courtesy of the internet) and I added a few of my own touches to these. The meat mix of beef AND pork had garlic, fresh parsley, rice, bread crumbs, parmesan cheese, and my secret ingredient SHAKE AND BAKE!!!

They actually turned out pretty good. I soaked them for two hours in chicken broth, stewed tomatoes and 4 cheese pasta sauce (another secret ingredient). Prepping the cabbage is the hardest part and trimming the hard veins in the leaves. I had a Lebanese rice dish to accompany and it was basmati rice with 1 pound of ground beef and a soirée of spices including nutmeg, cloves, cardamom and cinnamon. Lastly, I made a simple Greek salad to clean the pallet. (Whoa, I sound like a chef).

For dessert I made an easy….cake thing. It is made with homemade vanilla pudding and whipped cream (together) and layered between a pastry-like salt-less crackers and topped with raspberry pie filling and fresh berries. It was delicious. All of my recipes were good, and will be perfected with time. I could get into this cooking thing. HOWEVER, I was cooking from 12:00 in the afternoon until 5:30 at night. Gah, and it this one dinner racked up a $109.00 grocery bill. And I had to buy a new roasting dish to accommodate the cabbage rolls and THAT was $40.00 buckeroos.

Speaking of delicious foods- Yay for Thanksgiving! Last year I missed my Thanksgiving, which has always been a source of tradition in my family, to go to Stuart’s family dinner. That’s what happens when you are in a serious relationship, sometimes you have to sacrifice time with your own family to have face time with the family of your significant other. This year, I get to commandeer him and bring him to MY Thanksgiving. However, as I have gotten older and our family has expanded, our traditions are changing to accommodate that. This year we will be having Thanksgiving at my family cottage in our little one room cabin with our new stove and new cabinets! Last year, I think they had Thanksgiving at my Parent’s house, while I spent it at Stuarts family home with lots of his relatives. Going from a big family-packed thanksgiving to a small intimate and nature-filled Thanksgiving. It is nice to have both alternatives.

The weather sounds like it will be nice up north and hopefully we will see my aunt and uncle and cousin (yes, only one of each) as well. It’s always nice to curl up with a book by the fireplace at a cottage. I hope you all have a peaceful and safe Thanksgiving and enjoy as much rich food as we will. ~Cheers~

One Step Closer...

On street level, underneath the tower where I work, there is a store called Pomegranate Juice. Every day when I finish work there are big groups of people sitting outside of this store- all NOT drinking pomegranate juice. Sitting in lawn chairs and hooting and hollering at woman walking buy and giving out the intimidation vibe. They are the very definition of Guidos and Guidettes (Jersey Shore style, but without the money). I can’t be the only person that suspects the product that they offer in that store has nothing to do with the red fruit. My theory is that the store is a cover for mafia or gang related activity. I have no basis for my theory other than the reasoning of ‘why would young people hang around a pomegranate store?’

Anyway, that’s my deep thought for the day. I have a Doctor’s appointment tonight after work. Unfortunately I got booked for an 11 hour day (I hope by accident), during which time I need to be fasting. YOU try to run a clinic on zero calories and less sleep. I am looking into a diagnosis for the ugly hump between my shoulder blades. Ironically, they call it a buffalo hump. That’s like, a medical term…or at least medical slang (reminiscent of Rhinoplasty, for nose surgery). Why can’t they call it something nice, like …ok, well there is no nice way to describe a hunchback. So I had a couple of the Chiropractors I work with, take a look and they told me to go see my GP and ask to be tested for ‘Cushing’s Disease’ or any of the like syndromes. Essentially, the cut and dry of it is that it makes you produce too much cortisol (a stress hormone that makes you gain weight). It is a difficult disease to treat, with a laundry list of ugly symptoms…many of which I can check yes beside. To be honest, being someone who has been fighting a weight problem for 3-4 years now, I feel like this diagnosis might offer me a bit of solace for my lack of success. That if the reason for my consistent weight gain isn’t that I am lazy or ineffectual in the gym, I might be less hard on myself about it.

So I saw my GP and he agreed that I am displaying several symptoms that would indicate a growth on my pituitary gland. So today is blood tests and cortisol tests. Tomorrow morning is another cortisol test. And then, if all of my tests indicate a problem- then I move up to specialists and cat scans. So we’ll see. I don’t want to give the impression that I am hoping for this diagnosis, because I am not. It can have dire consequences, like infertility and death. But like that TLC show ‘Mystery Diagnosis’ where people battle symptoms of obscure diagnosis and see tons of doctors (like I have) and they are just relieved when they finally get an answer.

GREYS ANATOMY starts tonight! Unfortunately, I will probably be sitting in a doctor’s office when it airs, twiddling my thumbs…or touching medical instruments. Licking all the tongue sticks and tossing cotton balls around the room. They have big signs posted everywhere ‘NO CELLPHONE USE IN CLINIC’ – Fine! I will just fondle all your things! Last time I was waiting in that stuffy little room with recycled air for an hour and a half. I even read a booklet on the 10 benefits of breast feeding. I turned the examination table light on and then couldn’t turn it off…and had that moment of panic, thinking the doctor would come in and see me wrestling with the lamp and kick me out before listening to what I have to say. Luckily I managed to unplug it before he came in.

Stuart and I will be celebrating the end of six years together this Friday. Our 6 year Anniversary! Which means we will be into our 7th year together. Lucky number 7. Or the 7 year itch. I guess we will have to wait and see which one it is. It seems like an awful long time to be with one person. But I will say that when you get the opportunity to get to know a person that well, you can't become complacent because even when you think you know everything there is to know about a person, they can surprise you. Stuart surprises me a LEAST once a month, which is good because it keeps me on my toes and reminds me that we are ever growing, ever evolving.

Human being are remarkably adaptable creatures. We went from living 40 years to 100 years and we are learning to live with each other for longer periods of time. I was watching the TV show 'I SURVIVED' which is about people that overcome deadly situations that should have killed them. People can be vicious and really evil to each other. which sometimes makes me wonder if we are truly social animals. Are we meant to live in packs? But then I come home and realize that when you find another person you want to share your life with (nevermind how long and torturous it might be), you couldn't imagine it any other way.

Happy Birthday to ME!

So I finally found the new member of my family. Her name is Sashimi and she is a red Beta. I got her at Pacific Mall (which is chaos by the way- take every bad driver in the world and put them into a single parking lot). It was sort of impromptu fish buying because I was really there to get new glasses.

After getting my eyes checked I am told that my eyes have changed significantly in ONE YEAR and that my one year old prescription is now no good. So goodbye brand new glasses (from last year) I am onto my next pair of overpriced plastic and glass. My last pair were ‘Dior’ but my new pair is ‘Prada’. I am not a name brand whore for anything but glasses. I figure they are something I wear everyday 12-14 hours a day and they had better be nice and good quality or they won’t last me a year (not that it mattered this time around because my eyes keep friggen changing). These are the glasses tho--->

Some of you are probably thinking- “why doesn’t she just get new lenses put in her old glasses?” well, because it isn’t cost efficient. Yup, that’s right- lenses by themselves cost more than frames and lenses together. I took my old Dior frames to lenscrafters and asked if they could put new lenses in them and they quoted me $340 BUCKS! But they said the lenses would be half price if I got a set of frames….and the frames are between $150-$250….so…same price with lenses! It’s a total rip off. So to PAC MALL I go to get cheap- Chinese made- goods. Same name brand, same quality…just cheap cheap cheaper! And maybe the lenses aren’t as good of quality, but I figure, as long as I can see, it doesn’t matter how scratch resistant, or anti glare they are.

So the big birthday is coming this week. It’s just so shocking to think that by this age- almost all the women in my mother’s generation had babies and were married. I am going to be 25. I am officially allowed into those ‘mature’ bars that are 25+. I haven’t been to a club in years. I am officially too old for brands like Bebe and Juicy. No more stitches or Garage. Too old. I don’t like this birthday. People couple this age with things like mortgages and car insurance and maternity clothing. I don’t want any of those. Yet.

It’s always funny when Facebook announces you have a birthday and you get birthday wishes from the most random people. People you haven’t spoken to in YEARS. However, if you DON’T get those wishes…you somehow feel emptier. It is sad to think that people saw that little reminder on Facebook Home Page and ignored it. So I hope I get lots lol. Having a birthday on a Wednesday is pretty lame. It’s hump day, which means you can pick either weekend (the one before or the one after) to celebrate. You can’t really celebrate on the Wednesday. It is still too early in the week to go ‘balls to the wall’ crazy, because the rest of the week will suffer, but it is late enough in the week, that you think you could gamble a few glasses of (whatever). I think my parents and my sister’s family is going to take me to dinner at Frankie Tomatos…some Italian joint. I am told I will be spinning ‘the birthday tomato’. Whatever that means. It will likely be a humiliating ‘attention getting’ sing song thing. I hate that. I will be as red as the tomato.

Anyway, to all those Virgo’s out there- enjoy being passionate perfectionists with a tendency towards jealousy and loyalty. Enjoy being artistic and eccentric and sexy! And HAPPY BIRTHDAYS!!!!