What a Beautiful Fever you Have...

The problem when you have a fever is that you look unusually healthy. There is a slight flush to your cheeks, your eyes go extra bright, and you skin has an uncommon luminescence (which is actually just a sheer coating of sweat all over your body). So try telling your new job that you are so ill, you have to leave for the second half of the afternoon, when they have already complimented your appearance. Yup, just my luck! Three days into the new job I am struck with the flue. Like a freight train running clear through my day. Fever, achy eyes and head, sore throat, chills, cough, nasal congestion. And I didn’t even read those off of a bottle of flu meds. So Monday through Wednesday, I fought through my delirium. Feverishly I greeted patients and answered phones, while having an out of body experience ha ha.

By the third day, when the cough turned ugly and doctors and patients were giving me the wary eye and using extra hand sanitizer, I realized I wasn’t doing anyone any favours by sticking around. So off to bed I went. And of course when you get up in the morning and you would give anything to be able to sleep for a couple more hours- when you get a half day to be sick FOR THE PURPOSE of sleeping, you can’t make yourself fall asleep. It took me until almost 9pm before finally drifting off to a fitful slumber. Last night instead of counting on my own internal clock to take me to dreamland, I relied on my good ole friend ‘Nyquil cold and flu’ and Tylenol Cold-Nighttime. I had no trouble falling asleep. The trouble was trying to stay awake to catch the end of Grey’s Anatomy.

This weekend I am picking up my bridesmaid dress. It needs to be altered to fall above the knee and needs to be taken in around the chest (yes, I know, of all the places to need a dress taken in, it should NEVER be there). I don’t really want to try it on. My fear is that I will step into it, hate the way it looks on me and then dread the day of the wedding. So my plan was to alter it based on my measurements and slip into that puppy day of, and never look in the mirror. Let me hold onto my illusions. Meanwhile, the stupid seamstress will probably want me in the dress to pin it. I will just squeeze my eyes shut. This is not my day. It is my sisters. Whether I love or despise the dress (which I won’t know until it is on me), is irrelevant, because NO person in the wedding party can go up to the bride and groom and say “ya, so about this dress? It’s not workin for me…so I am just gonna pull something from my trustee closet”.

Weddings are a LOT of work. Dress & decoration shopping, making the party favours & invitations, the money box, planning the shower/bachelorette, picking the menu, planning transportation & accommodation, making a speech… and that’s just ME! Imagine being a bride? I have decided that any wedding I have will be a backyard BBQ. I just don’t want all the hustle and bustle. And the EXPENSES! It makes me sweat just trying to total up all the costs. Flowers, DJ, food, open bar, attire, venue, gifts, accommodation…it is like a thermometer with ‘Bankruptcy’ being the big ball at the top. God I hope I never have a daughter. And if I do, I hope she is post modern and doesn’t believe in the concept of marriage. I will bleed it into her at an early age. “1 in 3 marriages in today’s society end in divorce, hunny. It is just a money making scheme institutionalized by the government to feed the economy..”

So May 24 is here soon. That means a long weekend saturated with sun, beer and entertainment. You can bet that I will be at the cottage soaking up the rays. Maybe do some fishing , hiking, obviously some spring cleaning, but I will NOT be swimming. Since it is only May, the water will be cold and this body Is NOT bathing suit ready. I think that the surface of the pontoon boat is as close as I’ll be getting to the water. Anyway, enjoy your long weekend and be safe!

Kicked down- Back Up for Now......

I got a new job.

I don't want to risk a description though and 'out' my job. It is sort of like being pregnant. You don't tell anyone until you have been there for at least 3 months. I am nervous. Nothing like being laid off and losing a job to shake your confidence in your abilities. I may have gotten this job too soon. I don't necessarily feel ready to put on a happy face and dive back in. My brain needs a rest and I guess a couple weeks just doesn't cut it. To be honest, I thought my interview skills were a little rusty. I had a couple awkward silences, but apparently they went unnoticed.

I may be able to get my car after all. As for all that self betterment I said I was going to do, nothing like a little bit of borderline depression to squash those ambitions. I have spent most of my time being unemployed inhaling empty calories and lying in bed, catching up on my reading.

So I have been attempting to come up with ideas for my sisters bachelorette/shower. So far I have margarita mix and a penis cake tin. I was going to go all out and go strippers, but I have been informed that women don't always like staring at other naked women. So....transvestite showgirls? Here is my long labour of love- my invitation graphic. I had to cut out each stripper individually...hat and cactus too. Took friggen forever.

My sister and her future husband are in Mexico right now....pre- honeymoon. A trip won from work for outstanding...something or other. So what does that mean for me? Puppysitting....ok, well not me, but Stuart. Right now he is sitting in their house, eating their food, using their vehicles and showers and god knows what else, all under the premise of 'dogsitting'. While I am sitting at home, mentally preparing myself for my first day of work tomorrow. Anyway, since being unemployed I don't have many amusing anecdotes to drop into my blog....aside from my last job deducting my office chair from my vacation pay for wear and tear. Yes, I know....ask me about it, amusing story(thus my facebook name- 'kicked when I am down' for the past two weeks).

So until I have something new to add about my life, I will keep this one short and sweet. Until next time, loyal blog readers...

Ask a Busy Person- But Don't Ask ME!

Happy Easter! What does Easter mean to the average new age family? Mainly gorging on ham, pork and turkey, getting chocolaty and sugary treats, and trying to convince your toddlers that, yes, a bunny can hop from house to house carrying a Sac full of eggs, even without a poseable thumb.

I got to experience a big family over Easter. My own family is so small and somewhat fragmented. Stuarts family is literally enormous. They get together for birthdays, anniversaries, baptisms, weddings- you name it and they will all come together. Easter dinner was made up of 18 grandparents, aunts, uncles, grandchildren and great grandchildren. I won't say it wasn't fun, but when you grow up with a single Aunt and Uncle and a single cousin, the family events are hardly chaotic. Not to mention it is entirely up to Jordana and I to carry on the family name. At nearly 25, I am the youngest existing member of the Matthews family, or the Humphreys line (Mom's) for that matter. It is amazing how much more magical holidays become when you have little kids to lie to. With Santa, the Easter Bunny, the tooth fairy, and leprechauns only whispers in my memory, I can't be blamed if I feel some jealousy towards the young mothers that make up some of my friends. I am not talking 16 & Pregnant here, but early to mid 20's.

So the absolute worst case scenario has come to fruition. Stu and I are both unemployed, with a shitbox for a car, rent looming in the near future, unpaid phone and cable bills and no prospects to speak of. Ok maybe it isn't all that bleak, we have both had interviews recently, but I am not optimistic about the job market at the moment. I just don't want to be added to the pool of well education twenty somethings being forced to work in retail stores and liquor stores and grocery stores. I will be the first to spout my opinion about education inflation and how jobs that didn't used to require a university education, now ask for it, AND THEN SOME.

But I am not willing to go back to school. I am done. Worn out. bled dry of brain power. Maybe not that much. I found university stupid-simple. Overrated. But I simply won't front the cash for another useless, pointless 2 year diploma or certificate. I already have enough debt to speak for. And what did it buy me? Unemployment, with credentials to buy me a sweet secretarial position. The LIQUOR STORE would offer better benefits. I know guys with excellent degrees that are being wasted. Why? BECAUSE EVERYONE HAS ONE! University degrees are a dime a dozen. Why hire someone with a U. Degree when you can hire a person with an MBA or a Doctorate. They are in the same boat. My sister, who works in a big corporation says they are hiring MBA's for $30,000 per year salaried positions. BECAUSE THEY CAN! These guys have my sympathy. Instead of my thirty thousand of debt, they have sixty and seventy thousand dollars hanging over their heads.

What is the solution? Sure, they can make entrance into Universities and Colleges more difficult (leaving the poor kids with mid seventy grades to work in the department stores and Mac Milks). But that wouldn't be all that fair either. University just shouldn't be made the logical path for EVERYONE after High School. There is a real demand for Trade workers in the economy. Learn a trade and you an make some sweet cash. Right now though, education isn't about the smartest and brightest students getting the highest level of education. It is really about how wealthy you are. If you can afford that MBA then you are ahead of the game. Sure we the government spouts equality and equal opportunity, but this is still a world where the Rich get Richer and the poor get poorer and the middle class are still treading water. So Richie Rich gets the education, even though he is a puddle, and ends up making tons of cash. Is he the best for the job? Absolutely not. But since when was the world fair? The best guy for the job almost never gets it.

So as it stands, I will keep putting out my resume for positions I am under qualified for and Stu will keep doing the same. As my dream of a new car fades, I will use this new free time for self betterment! BAH! Ok, I will tell myself I will work out more, paint and maybe send more letters, but I have learned that the less you have to do, the less you accomplish. They say if you want something done, ask a busy person. SO....don't ask me :)

March Sadness, not Madness

March has been a sad month.

March in and of itself is a sad month because it is inherently cold and rainy. But it gives hope of Spring. I am holding on to that hope with every fibre of my being. I can't allow myself to be sad or it will swallow me. The dark dreary mornings and the sound of rain on my skylights at work will start to wear me down.

One of my dear friends lost her baby this month. The details are hers, but I feel an overwhelming sense of loss along with her. I can't help but imagine myself in her shoes and I know that it is a scar that will never heal and I just hope that my friendship (and some flowers and ice cream) will be enough solace.

Finances are thin. I am stressed about that. I live in overdraft at the end of every month and savings are scarce. I can't justify buying myself clothes or makeup or anything else that makes me happy and that is probably adding to the overall effect of this month.

I did indulge in one small thing though. I have always been a collector of small pretty things and I bought some miniature velvety horses from Bella Sara. A stupid expense, but it gives me something to be excited about. I check the mail every day when I get home from work to see if they have come. People collect all sorts of odds and ends. That is how I rationalize being 25 years old and buying toys off the intertron.

My Grandmother might be sick. She is getting up there in age...closer to 90 than to 80. She is really looking forward to my sisters wedding this summer but we have to face the reality that she may not live to see it. She is showing signs of kidney failure and pneumonia. She is my heart.

It is hard to even think of her passing, but I guess that is part of growing up. You never think, as a child, that when you grow up and get married that your grandparents won't be there. But I am lucky to even have grandparents NOW.

I was recently fitted for my bridesmaid dress. You can't imagine my distress over knowing I have a deadline to meet for weight loss and appearance...especially on a budget. Who can afford nails, toes, hair, tan and gym fees.....I like being maid of honour but you certainly need deep pockets. The dress itself will be $260.00 WITHOUT alterations- which will absolutely be necessary because even as I am right now- I am between sizes.

My partner is still unemployed and that is wearing on my living situation. It's the 5th month. It is hard to be supportive and uplifting when you really feel resentful. I want to push, but not too hard. I want to help, but I don't want to coddle. I want to plan for the future, but I can't see past the present. Words of encouragement get thinner the more you use them.

Cheers to St. Patty's day.

I shared a pitcher of green beer and had a nice walk in the 18 degree weather. It was a nice pause in an otherwise hectic schedule.

Ok loyal blog readers. I am downer and I know it. Let's hope that March showers bring May flowers early.

Wrecking Balls Wreck my Life.

My head is all foggy today. Anyone who has any experience with migraines or bad headaches can verify that you will take any drug if it promises release from the pain. Last night I was plagued by a horrendous headache that was so bad I had to keep moving just to avoid concentrating on it. I did this until 2am. Then, fed up and exhausted, I decided it would be a great idea to combine all the drugs that don't work for me individually, in hopes the OD might work magic. 2 Tylenol, 1 Excedrin, 1 Emerge, 1 midol....and 2 glasses of water. The result was full body tingles and my breathing becoming difficult and then being dragged into unconsciousness. But the best part was the lack of headache. Today I am dealing with the after effects. That and the normal fatigue from the stupid construction outside my window. Every morning 7am on the dot, I hear jack hammers and yelling and the creak of cranes moving wrecking balls and god knows what else. I have already appealed to our landlord for a rent decrease, under the premise that we weren't made aware of the construction when we started renting. It started 2 months after us moving in. 100 feet from our windows. I need to keep the blinds drawn, lest a construction worker catch me undressing.

The result? My landlord posted a notice to our door, issuing a rent INCREASE come June to compensate for the new HST. Frig. I should have kept my mouth shut. Now we are faced with the Dilemma- do we stay and put up with the construction and rent increase (which is minimal- $10 bucks each) or do we leave on principal in hopes of finding another apartment with the same rent, room and location. Ya right.

While at work, I often offer drinks to people who come in for meetings. Most recently a glass of water to an engineer. The kitchen is not well lit. After getting the glass of water I was in the foyer and noticed (after several minutes) that the glass I had used for 'said' engineer had lipstick stains on it. The glass was clean- having gone through the dishwasher, but lipstick has the work 'stick' in it for a reason. Dilemma. Take the glass....draw attention to the fact that I mistakenly gave him a gross cup. OR- leave the glass, plead ignorance, so as not to embarrass him for drinking out of the gross cup. I had decided to take it, just as he got up, took the cup and went into the president's office. Shoot me.

I have been exposed to something called 'Post Secret' and I am fascinated. It originally started as an art project and had turned into a global phenomena! People send in secrets and confessions on post cards to this guy and he has turned them into books and a website: http://www.postsecret.com/ Reading them, you will be amazed how often you say- "Hey! me too!" and then you will laugh out loud. Some may make you cry. Either way, it will restore your faith in humanity. People feel. They notice. And I have things in common with strangers. The website will post about 10 new post secrets every Sunday. But if you join the group on Facebook(by searching post secret), you can look at post secrets dating back a couple years.

So there is a possible new car in my future. My sister can get me a lease on a 2010 Corolla for staff pricing and a low monthly fee (a little over $200 a month). But it is a bare bones model. Which means it likely doesn't even have power windows. I don't know if I could live without that. And the keyless entry. I need that...or I will lock my keys in my car 100 times over. I can live without a sunroof and leather seats. But I definately would like electric seat control. Stu and I are such different hights it would take me a half hour in the morning to adjust my seat back to me. I would also like automatic lights. Where your headlights come on, when they sense it gets dark and your dash lights up. My car has all of that now....it is just old....and is costing me a fortune.

Tis the season. Spring is comming and it is time for showers. Not April showers, that bring May flowers, but BABY and WEDDING showers! My friend is having a baby in the summer and my sister is getting married in the summer....actually...around the exact same time. I had better start brainstorming!