Too close to home

In highschool I had a core group of friends and we called ourselves GDHP each word symbolizing an aspect of our personalities. Growth, Director, Healer and Princess. I think we were so different and we complimented each others personality really nicely. Sadly we went to different Universities and lost contact. Now facebook brought us back together and I can follow 'D' through her marriage, 'G' through her pregnancy, and 'H' through her acedemic endeavors. There is a song that talks about wearing suncreen and the guy goes on to give advice about life and says that the older you get the more you will need the people you knew when you were young. I think this is so true. You never really learn to value the people that come and go until you have so few.

I will be getting my own place soon and I imagine it being a comfortable place to have people over to relax and play poker and watch movies....Christmas comes first I guess. Mom and my sister want to go on a carribean cruise for christmas...it is a break in traditiion for sure, but it might be fun to do something different. I have a hard time believing that an experience is better then material goods. Maybe because my memory is so bad I only remember pieces of my life that were really good. So is it better to give something that somone can hold in their hands? something tangible? Or is it better to give people experience that can be remembered....or forgotten. I will think about it and get back to you.

The mystery of Human relationships.

I sorta abandoned my blog for a while. I got some negative feedback and it made me consider deleting it but I decided that it wouldn't be in my best interests because there are so many things I want to share and delve into (insightfully) that deleting my only outlet (currently) would be bad. So the update is that I am puppy sitting this weekend. Hanna was just fixed and so she needs to be monitored so that she doesn't bite out her stitches. I took her with me to get my dinner yesterday and walked her through this sketchy little strip mall by the house to pick up my order. Literally in and out and some old lady working at some totally random hotdog and hamburger crap stand started yelling at me for bringing her in, even though I was no where near any food places and wasn't sitting in to eat or anything....in and out with my order. I can't leave her alone in the car because she is a destroyer and last time I did that she ruined my sunglasses and a pair of pants and the interior of my car. Anyway I was in no mood to heed this old German yelling lady so I just ignored her"you can't bring that animal in here you know,...HEY, no dogs in here, you hear!? " whatever. Not to mention the weirdo homeless look-a-like who asked to pet her....some huge kid in a dirty hoodie and looked hocked up on something. He asked her name and I told him Hanna and he was like "I always find it funny when people give their dogs human names..." shut up you psycho. What constitutes a human name!? He was probably named cody or something and I would tell him that is the name of a hound. Jerk. lol.
I like to bring attention to the random things that happen and that I hear. I was at work and my coworker and I were watching this man on the front lawn with this HUGE pole with a little basket on the end of it...scraping the fungus off the trees and laying it gently on the ground only to put it in his truck after he had collected enough mushroomy things. We thought he might of been working for the government and was testing the trees for contamination or something but he was in a civilian vehicle. So finally we had enough and I asked my coworker to ask him was he was doing....apparently he was collecting this 'elf ear' muchrooms to eat...said they were good eatin if you cooked em properly. lol No thanks. You can have your tree fungus.
Did you hear about the guy that is trying to get out of paying child support because he said he played no part (willing) in the making of the kid and woke up after his girlfriend had been screwing him in his sleep. I dunno- if you ask me, I think the act of ejaculation requires some sort of mental awareness. They say sex is 50% in your mind...so who knows.
In closing. I have been baffled my entire life about how human relationships are created and nurtured and never quite got it. I realize now that I have been giving them too much credit. Relationships are made stronger over such silly things- relating over a book you liked...laughing at a movie together. These little events build foundations of relationships....not just romantic ones, but family relationships. My family and I came closer over a book we passed around between us and discussed it..... I think I am bitter that it was so easy ....how long it lasts, I don't know....but I feel like I wasted a lot of time on the excuse of not knowing how.....

Only White People are Carnies.

So the Markham Fair came and went this weekend. My parents came up and we all went together, me my sister and my parents..one big happy family Reunion surrounded by corn dogs, inflatable unicorns, candy apples and cotton candy....Why go to the fair if you aren't going to eat like crap and buy knock off items from sketchy vendors that tell you that they are giving you a discount because you have a pretty smile. I swear Markham is FULL of asians but I didn't see a single one! It was ALL white people....mostly with beirds.
I am struggling with this Blog thing because it keeps dawning on me that people actually read it (I thought it would just float in cyber space as a secret online diary). So I have all these urges to gossip and say nasty things that I have learned about people....but I have to filter myself on here. So I will talk about a situation and not use any names....ha ha.
If you're a dude and some gorgeous bikini model blonde comes up to you in a class and asks for your notes and so you go with her to the library to help her copy them and during the walk she says "wow you're really smart, would you mind if we got together on some weekend in the library and studied together?" then she proceeds to ask him for his facebook so she can add him. This guy has a girlfriend. He never goes on facebook. He adds this girl and then deletes the newsfeed so his girlfriend won't see. What does that mean? So this guys girlfriend, shows the pictures of this girl to her sister who then says "nip that in the bud, ASAP you need to get rid of that girl, she is definately danger signals all over the place". Is it innocent or is it Danger? He never sees their girlfriend because they are in a long distance relationship. Ok I am sick of talking about this.
Thanksgiving is comming and I need to find some things to be thankful for. I'll get back to you on that.

Stand Beside Me. Not Infront or Behind Me.

I need someone with stability. Someone who I can trust. Someone who I can grow with and not wait for. I can't wait for someone else to be an adult when I feel I am already there. I am over the drunken nights, over fears of cheating, over insecurities that there is a better looking younger woman for him. There will always be a younger better looking women. I need to come to terms with who I am and what I need out of this. They say all you need is love. I think love isn't always enough. You need someone who brings out the best in you. I have seen the worst I am capable of in this relationship. Jealousy, pain, chattered trust, tragedy, bitterness...lashing out. I know I am better then that. They say that you should be happy with a person that fulfills at least 80% of your criteria. I think you should never settle or have to tolerate certain behaviors and attributes. I just want to start my life. I am stalemated here. All of my girlfriends are married, or pregnant or with children, with careers. I need to find happiness. Those people that have suffered the most need happiness more than anyone else. I am going to be selfish and say that it is my time. It is my time to be happy. I need someone to stand beside me, not infront or behind me. Live by words that inspire you.

Don't eat too much or you'll go to jail...

On a side funny note, a woman got fined for eating too much at a KFC yesterday. Ha ha ha, the police claimed she had gone over the 75 minute sitting time in the parking lot, meanwhile the employees had informed them that this woman had eaten 3 large fries, a fourteen piece bucket of chicken and a bunch of other stuff. The woman said she was sickened and insulted by the ticket because of all the business she gave KFC- at least 3 times a week. She'll be back. Gross.

I have this pen at work that has a lid you have to pull off- I have been counting the number of times that people have tried to 'click' the end of it or ask me how it works...is this old fashioned, for pens to have lids? I mean, not all pens are clicky pens....and another thing.. Every time I turn out of the lane way from work into the right lane on a two lane highway, if an Asian person is coming in the left lane, they honk at me, like I were turning in front of them....do Asians not understand the concept of a two lane highway? AHHH. I am not racist, but COME ON! Every time....never once has a white person laid on the horn because I turned into the right lane while they were coming in the left. Ok...this is an angry blog...I will be more positive next time.