March Sadness, not Madness

March has been a sad month.

March in and of itself is a sad month because it is inherently cold and rainy. But it gives hope of Spring. I am holding on to that hope with every fibre of my being. I can't allow myself to be sad or it will swallow me. The dark dreary mornings and the sound of rain on my skylights at work will start to wear me down.

One of my dear friends lost her baby this month. The details are hers, but I feel an overwhelming sense of loss along with her. I can't help but imagine myself in her shoes and I know that it is a scar that will never heal and I just hope that my friendship (and some flowers and ice cream) will be enough solace.

Finances are thin. I am stressed about that. I live in overdraft at the end of every month and savings are scarce. I can't justify buying myself clothes or makeup or anything else that makes me happy and that is probably adding to the overall effect of this month.

I did indulge in one small thing though. I have always been a collector of small pretty things and I bought some miniature velvety horses from Bella Sara. A stupid expense, but it gives me something to be excited about. I check the mail every day when I get home from work to see if they have come. People collect all sorts of odds and ends. That is how I rationalize being 25 years old and buying toys off the intertron.

My Grandmother might be sick. She is getting up there in age...closer to 90 than to 80. She is really looking forward to my sisters wedding this summer but we have to face the reality that she may not live to see it. She is showing signs of kidney failure and pneumonia. She is my heart.

It is hard to even think of her passing, but I guess that is part of growing up. You never think, as a child, that when you grow up and get married that your grandparents won't be there. But I am lucky to even have grandparents NOW.

I was recently fitted for my bridesmaid dress. You can't imagine my distress over knowing I have a deadline to meet for weight loss and appearance...especially on a budget. Who can afford nails, toes, hair, tan and gym fees.....I like being maid of honour but you certainly need deep pockets. The dress itself will be $260.00 WITHOUT alterations- which will absolutely be necessary because even as I am right now- I am between sizes.

My partner is still unemployed and that is wearing on my living situation. It's the 5th month. It is hard to be supportive and uplifting when you really feel resentful. I want to push, but not too hard. I want to help, but I don't want to coddle. I want to plan for the future, but I can't see past the present. Words of encouragement get thinner the more you use them.

Cheers to St. Patty's day.

I shared a pitcher of green beer and had a nice walk in the 18 degree weather. It was a nice pause in an otherwise hectic schedule.

Ok loyal blog readers. I am downer and I know it. Let's hope that March showers bring May flowers early.

Wrecking Balls Wreck my Life.

My head is all foggy today. Anyone who has any experience with migraines or bad headaches can verify that you will take any drug if it promises release from the pain. Last night I was plagued by a horrendous headache that was so bad I had to keep moving just to avoid concentrating on it. I did this until 2am. Then, fed up and exhausted, I decided it would be a great idea to combine all the drugs that don't work for me individually, in hopes the OD might work magic. 2 Tylenol, 1 Excedrin, 1 Emerge, 1 midol....and 2 glasses of water. The result was full body tingles and my breathing becoming difficult and then being dragged into unconsciousness. But the best part was the lack of headache. Today I am dealing with the after effects. That and the normal fatigue from the stupid construction outside my window. Every morning 7am on the dot, I hear jack hammers and yelling and the creak of cranes moving wrecking balls and god knows what else. I have already appealed to our landlord for a rent decrease, under the premise that we weren't made aware of the construction when we started renting. It started 2 months after us moving in. 100 feet from our windows. I need to keep the blinds drawn, lest a construction worker catch me undressing.

The result? My landlord posted a notice to our door, issuing a rent INCREASE come June to compensate for the new HST. Frig. I should have kept my mouth shut. Now we are faced with the Dilemma- do we stay and put up with the construction and rent increase (which is minimal- $10 bucks each) or do we leave on principal in hopes of finding another apartment with the same rent, room and location. Ya right.

While at work, I often offer drinks to people who come in for meetings. Most recently a glass of water to an engineer. The kitchen is not well lit. After getting the glass of water I was in the foyer and noticed (after several minutes) that the glass I had used for 'said' engineer had lipstick stains on it. The glass was clean- having gone through the dishwasher, but lipstick has the work 'stick' in it for a reason. Dilemma. Take the glass....draw attention to the fact that I mistakenly gave him a gross cup. OR- leave the glass, plead ignorance, so as not to embarrass him for drinking out of the gross cup. I had decided to take it, just as he got up, took the cup and went into the president's office. Shoot me.

I have been exposed to something called 'Post Secret' and I am fascinated. It originally started as an art project and had turned into a global phenomena! People send in secrets and confessions on post cards to this guy and he has turned them into books and a website: http://www.postsecret.com/ Reading them, you will be amazed how often you say- "Hey! me too!" and then you will laugh out loud. Some may make you cry. Either way, it will restore your faith in humanity. People feel. They notice. And I have things in common with strangers. The website will post about 10 new post secrets every Sunday. But if you join the group on Facebook(by searching post secret), you can look at post secrets dating back a couple years.

So there is a possible new car in my future. My sister can get me a lease on a 2010 Corolla for staff pricing and a low monthly fee (a little over $200 a month). But it is a bare bones model. Which means it likely doesn't even have power windows. I don't know if I could live without that. And the keyless entry. I need that...or I will lock my keys in my car 100 times over. I can live without a sunroof and leather seats. But I definately would like electric seat control. Stu and I are such different hights it would take me a half hour in the morning to adjust my seat back to me. I would also like automatic lights. Where your headlights come on, when they sense it gets dark and your dash lights up. My car has all of that now....it is just old....and is costing me a fortune.

Tis the season. Spring is comming and it is time for showers. Not April showers, that bring May flowers, but BABY and WEDDING showers! My friend is having a baby in the summer and my sister is getting married in the summer....actually...around the exact same time. I had better start brainstorming!

Over the Shoulder Boulder Holders

Warning to all the dudes about to continue reading. Skip the 'pink' paragraph. It's chick stuff.

Thought of the day-
If you have ever bought a bra (and I am hoping if you are a woman, you have - at least one) I am telling you, don't settle for less! I was watching a myth buster type program and they were testing old bras for bacteria and germs and let me tell you, NEVER keep a bra for longer then a year. They generally don't wash well and after a year they become a cesspool for viruses and germs. My recommendation is, forget these cheap, off the rack bra places like 'La Vie En Rose' and some Silk & Satins or La Senzas. Women NEED to meet with a bra fitter.

Something ridiculous like 70%+ of women are wearing the wrong bra for them. Wrong cup size or wrong 'width' size...or both. For those of you males boldly reading the pink paragraph- bras work like this... The cup size is the physical size of the breast, whereas the the number is the number of inches it takes to travel around to your back and do up comfortably. When a bra cup gets bigger it gets wider & deeper and so most of the time if you are going up a cup size, you should go down in the circumference size (because the extra width of the cup makes up the difference).

Recently I went into Silk & Satin and there was a professional fitter available. I found out I was in between cup sizes and on the top end of the circumference for the cup size I wear. She enlightened me by attached a little 'extender' to my bra ($10 for 3 in different colours). It made all the difference. I can wear bras now from when i was younger that don't fit around the back, but the cup fits. I highly recommend getting a proper fit in your bra. You will feel and look better.

For those of you with an uncommon bra size, I would suggest making a trip into the Toronto core where there are several upscale custom bra fitters like 'My Sisters Secret' & 'Bra's by Lucy'. Believe me, being a E34 is not as rare as you might think. I know two.

So it has gotten to the point that every time I get in my car, I cringe and wait for something to ding in or flash on my dash. If it isn't the 'security' light, then it is 'service engine soon' or 'service vehicle soon'. The one I am used to is 'ABS-TRAC OFF' Which means my ABS has failed for that minute...or hour or day. People (especially women) have a tendency to humanize their things. Their cars have names and personalities and their shoes have types and tendencies (like sassy).

My car is a woman. She is moody and capable. She is picky about how she is driven and she is overly sensitive. She will keep chugging even when she is seriously ill and she keeps secrets for a long time. She doesn't want to seem like she can't handle her shortfalls. She is quick, but aging. And I know it will cause me some heartache to part with her, but I think it is time. The problem is my finances are tight right now. Mainly because of some of those dirty little secrets my car has kept. Like the fact that her break pads needed replacing early or that her wheel bearings on the left side had kicked the bucket. More recently she is trying to tell me that she needs a new ignition cylinder and that maybe she has a hole in her gas tank. I am guessing this secret because I am only getting about 100 km to the tank. That works out to be about $90-100 dollars a week in gas.

I can afford to spend about $200.00 a month, no money down on a new car. This money is coming from the money on gas I will save. But I am worried about the insurance and the financing. I am still paying for my education and will be for probably another 25 years. So another loan is not an option. Another used car is a headache I won't take on at this point. And when your sister works for the corporate headquarters at Toyota Canada, you can't exactly drive around in a little Honda Civic.So it is a waiting game from here-on-out. I have driven my poor car into the ground and it has been a hard decision to decide that 'enough is enough' and use her as a trade in for $500 or the wreckers for $200. I plan on getting my Sub and Dec and Amp out of the car first. Yes, I blinged her out for a while. I am hoping Stuart will work a miracle and find me a reliable and affordable option.

Happy Valentines Day!

Is it a SHAM? I think not! The reason they coupled family day with valentines is because they are encouraging you to show love to ALL your family members. Not just your significant other. Call your mom, send your dad a card and give your little brother a noogie.

Enjoy the long weekend everybody!

Rotten & Frozen Fruit Makes Good Drinkin!

So the Canadian Ice Wine Festival was this past weekend in Niagra On The Lake. You pay $30.00 for six tickets that you can use at 6 different wineries. For each ticket you get a gulp (literally a tiny lining to your glass) of ice wine and a food pairing. Most wineries took the 'savory route' and paired food like a spring roll, cheese fondue, pulled pork. But some decided to pair cupcakes and short bread. By the end of the tour, you are buzzing, broke and sugar rushing. You also develop a taste for the sickly sweet nectar of over ripe and winter kissed grapes. They treat this stuff like liquid gold. They charge anywhere between $30-200 per bottle. I did buy one of the cheaper bottles. It was cheap because the sweetness is SO intense it is almost undrinkable ha ha. Ice wines range from a level 10 sweetness level (which is rare and more common in 'late harvest' wines, which taste a lot like ice wine, but doesn't go through the rigorous treatment of other ice wines. And they go up to a 29 sweetness level. Think Ambrosia. In the days of watching Zena and Hercules I remember that the description of the food of the gods as being a pinkish-red sweet nectar-food that was more desirable than sex. A level 29 Sweetness would make your head explode. Most of the ice wines I tried were a 22. That was enough. The one I bought because it was so reasonably priced is a 28. I am worried it might kill me.

I also bought a necklace with a tiny cluster of crystal grapes. It was so pretty, I couldn't resist. Stuart says women are like fish and that they are attracted to things that are dangly and sparkly. It might be true.

I am still trying to work through all the issues that my bad luck has brought lately. My car is still being a little finicky- deciding it won't start certain days and that it will run fine on others. I am also trying to get the credit card fraud off my statement. $70.00 in crap charges because I am a moron and entered my credit card info thinking I would get a great deal. Joke's on me.

I am really trying to get back into shape for Jordana's wedding. I work out almost every day and have been eating better. But it is always slow to start. I read while working out so I will include a little review of what I have been reading lately:

The Night World Books by L.J. Smith have kept my interest somewhat. They are a reminiscent of Sherrilyn Kenyon's 'Dark Hunter Series'. The similarities stem from the idea that there is a world existing underneath conscious human realm. That there are things going on that humans will never see or become aware of. The Night world also focuses on the concept that for every dark and supposed evil creature, there is a soul mate for them that has the ability to tame their dark side. Each Night World book has 3 stories with 3 different characters that are somehow connected to one another, either by blood or association. Almost as if each book is its' own trilogy. So far I have read 3 of these '3 in 1' books and the interesting thing is that the more you read, the more the Night world is painted before you. You get a deeper understanding of the characters you have already read about by meeting new characters.

Thirst No.1 & 2 by Christopher Pike was originally released in the 1990's but was a series of 6 small books. It has recently (this year) been re-released into

two larger books due to the Twilight-made demand for more vampire fiction. These are definitely more adult fiction then most of what I have read so far.

There is no shortage of descriptive blood and gore and these books are less like teenage romance and more like the historical and nostalgic teachings of a 5000 year old vampire. It has elements of history, religion, violence and sadness. There is no Edward Cullen to bewitch you, but you WILL be bewitched the by Sita, our ancient vampire with memories of heartache and inspiration. As a reader, you follow her through her wins and losses and experience the danger she faces as she tried to protect the world from the evil her blood could bring.

Anyway, that is all I have for now. Stay posted for more reviews and gab.

AVATAR- "Don't play with that, you'll go blind"

So I finally convinced Stuart to go and see AVATAR with me in theatres. It wasn't real hard considering we had free movie passes from Christmas and so it's not exactly like it was out of pocket.

When they first handed me the big dorky brown 3D glasses, I was like "uh, no thanks" but it turns out you need them, less you watch the movie feeling like you are incredibly near sited. I am near sited naturally, and so I had to navigate the 3D glasses over top of my other glasses. Yup, talk about seeing in double or I guess it would be tripple..3D....get it? HA!

In any case, I felt like a Dweeb, but once the movie starts, it is totally forgotten. I have never seen a movie in 3D and it takes a bit of time for your eyes to figure out what they are supposed to be seeing. Like it will be a nano second before you actually see the image pop and sometimes your eyes won't catch it in time and the picture will change.

Apart from that, 3D movie watching is an utterly new and enthralling experience. It takes movie watching to a whole new level. Instead of 2D moving picture book, you feel like you are actually IN the movie, experiencing things along with the characters. You feel the depth of the room and you really see the turn of a head. That could be partially attributing to why I am so blown away by this movie.

I think it was perfect. I wouldn't change a thing. Great character development, a fair share of action and romance and complexity of plot. Add in a pop of colour and some AMAZING computer animation that must have cost a fortune and taken FOREVER to perfect- and you have and you have an unprecedented film experience.
There were parts in the movie that were so overwhelmingly beautiful I felt my eyes well with tears. I never wanted the movie to end. I wanted to stay a part of the mystical world of Pandora forever and bear my own little Na'Vi children. I honestly think I will go see it in theatres again. I need another dose of the mind blowing colour and new age animation. This movie makes you look back at films like Independence day and laugh at the juvenile 'alien' effects.

Now I have read my fair share of 'nay saying' reviews...People that say the movie is an old plot line with unimaginative alien characteristics. A new age Pocahontas with a predictable outcome. And there is plenty of criticism saying the Na'Vi display many racial queues of modern day humanity and that it is unlikely that a fully natural alien race would no how to kiss or practice monogamy. They say the movie is too left wing (casting negative light on human military and money hungry business men and putting nature loving Scientists on a pedestal).

I say, that despite the above critiques, the movie is a beautiful representation of what James Cameron probably thought was a 'pure race'. Honouring nature, taking one lover, living from the land in an unobtrusive way and being open to new knowledge (as we know they opened a school in Pandora to teach the natives English).

There is only one question I still have after seeing this PG 13 film. How do they have Sex? There is only one suggestion in the movie about how this takes place. Jake is playing with his magic braid/tail in the beginning of movie and Sigourney Weaver (Dr. Grace) walks by and says "Don't play with that or you'll go blind". And it is commonly known that human little boys are told that to discourage them from playing with their.......tails....

I am going to buy the movie because there is a rumour circulating that the sex scene, cut from the theatrical release- will be on there....in a nice PG13 fashion of course! Anyway, I loved it. So I had to do a quick review. GO SEE IT! You WON'T be disappointed. Even my skeptical, Sci-Fi hating boyfriend enjoyed it!