If today was your last day...

It's a depressing thought that you will never be as young as you are right now. Your cells will never stretch as well, recover as well- you will never have less wrinkles then you do right now. You know that song,..I think it is by nickelback- if today was your last day and tomorrow was too late ...etcetera. And it goes on to talk about forgiving your enemies and giving away all your money. So I challenge you all to really take a minute to reflect on that. What WOULD you leave behind and what would you do if you were gone tomorrow. What lasting impression would I leave?

Well, I created my school mascot. The chemong Dragons are dragons because I created it....my copyrighted image is all over the school. But would anyone ever really remember that it was me that created it? If I walked through the halls today, 10 years from the time I drew it-would people point and say- there is the girl that created our dragon-esque legacy. Probably not.

I haven't written or published anything great, though I have been informally writing my autobiography since I was 12, even though the life of a preteen isn't that interesting and no one would read it. In truth, I would leave behind a couple diaries packed with ticket stubs and the half witted dreams of a girl with too much imagination....and this blog. Of course it is packed with witty banter but isn't worth much. I imagine there would be some art left behind. Sketches of the super heroes that never came to be and self portraits that couldn't be less flattering. Maybe a few nudes here and there- though there have been witnesses to my burning some of my paintings at a bonfire when we ran out of firewood and I ingeniously pulled the canvasses from my trunk for more fuel.

I guess some things only have the value that we percieve them to have- for instance a wooden frame and canvas with a nude of my boyfriend would be more valuable in the fire creating warmth then on the wall inspiring lust....not that it would....lol Sorry Stu.

This weekend I spent some time reflecting with some girlfriends about how fast life goes when you are finally ready for it to slow down. But I guess that is the way it is with life- you want the opposite of what you have- if it's straight you want curly if you are old you wish you were young, if you are fat you want to be thin, and when you are finally coming into yourself and want your twenties to stop speeding by- they seem to do just that.

I am going to think about what I want to leave behind. Perhaps a new league of women super girls, or children's picture books, a tortured 'too long' monologue about my life or a painting....beautiful paintings that are what I want to paint....unicorns and such ha ha. All for now, loyal blog readers...

I need a place to live. I need to get out of my sister's house and into a dirty little low income starter apartment to call my own. Here is an unrealisitic list of things I would like to have in this sketchy apartment:


-big bathroom with tub and counter space

-lots of natural light and big windows

-open concept setup...minimal walls

-parking

-some vegitation (trees or a walking path- anything other then the cold concrete of the city.

- a gym within walking or (small) driving distance

-no fear of getting shot

- public places with free parking

-no 3 lane roads outside my front door.


I don't think it is unreasonable to get at least some..or most of that. But housing is NOT affordable and the closer you get to the Toronto core, the less you get, but for more money. Driving makes me anxious in the city and so i would prefer to be as far from toronto downtown...or uptown- as possible....but I guess when you are moving WITH someone, you have to compromise. We will see though who gets the short end of THAT compromise.

Congrats are in Order!

My sister finally got what she's been waiting for. It's been 10 years and she got the proposal of her dreams, the ring of her dreams and hopefully the man of her dreams. On another note, it is yet to be seen who will be the maid of honour and the best man in this wedding. My sister has dropped little hints about wanting a 'hot' wedding party...meaning- "Jamie get your ass to the gym or you won't be my maid of honour". No DOUBT that is why it is still up in the air.On another note, it is yet to be seen who will be the maid of honour and the best man in this wedding. My sister has dropped little hints about wanting a 'hot' wedding party...meaning- "Jamie get your ass to the gym or you won't be my maid of honour". No DOUBT that is why it is still up in the air. All this talk of weddings and futures it really gets you thinkin.
All these landmark events have been happening- sister is engaged, sister just turned 30 and got a house and a puppy....ok wait,...so maybe my sister has been through landmarks...But I will be getting my own place soon. I have my first semi-real job and am starting to get comfortable with my age and in my own skin.

I recently had a conversation with one of my close girlfriends about the ticking of the internal clock; when you start to feel it and how it affects your choices.
For instance, in my late teens, I couldn't get enough attention from men, I strung along as many as I could at one time, 2 boyfriends- you name it.I didn't care about what I was going to do after highschool or after university, i just expected it all to fall into place.
As you get older, you smile more at commercials with babies in them. You find yourself analyzing the real estate market and looking for deals and cracks in foundation. Instead of thinking whether or not you simply get along with your partner, you start measuring them up as a husband or wife. Their ability to provide for a family. Would he make a good father? Would she run a tight household? Tick tick tick...
I don't care how loud the ticking gets. I refuse to let myself feel rushed. I am going to take my sweet as time to make such HUGE decisions about having kids, getting married, buying furniture and such...

It's time for my NEWS update.

I feel like I can finally say to my children that "I was there when they found the source of the cure for all the worlds diseases". Just recently a lab in Toronto reported that they had a breakthrough in stem cell research. They found that they inject a normal cell with something ...scientific and they can convert it to a stem cell of their choice.,..for skin, the spine, brain etc....Stem cells regenerate and so there you go...cure for cancer and those who are paralyzed. Not only that, but they found that they can convert ADULT cells into these stem cells. That means, no more steeling from embryos. I feel like the beginning of the movie "I am legend" taking what I hear at face value and realizing that everyone is going to want to volunteer for human trials without enough R&D and we will all turn into zombies or something. Or it could just kill us. Either way, every great discovery needs casualties. I just won't be volunteering any time soon or getting any 'shots' to prevent cancer. *Shudder*. I am a little over-obsessed with zombies and diseases that will bring the apocolypse and end our existance as we know it...it will be in MY lifetime. I am convinced!

And there ya go! My clock just wound itself backwards. Cheers, loyal blog readers.

A Cruise can not be called a 'Pleasure Craft'

So it is freezing rain today. Instead of hitting and sliding down my windshield on the way to work, it splattered and shattered into a hundred pieces to be swooshed away by my wipers. Just this past Monday I got back from a cruise on the Crown Princess, which was a Christmas present from my Dad to my sister, my mom and I. I had never been on a cruise and was apprehensive about the possible motion sickness I would encounter from the rocking of the boat. People I spoke to had assured me that ‘no, you do not feel the motion of the ocean on the cruise’ and so I had gone on this big mother of a boat, somewhat unprepared. I bought the motion sickness patch which is good for 2ish days and I had two of them. And then I had herbal motion sickness pills.

Let me tell you what I have learned about cruises, because I consider myself to be an expert now. If you are going on a cruise and you are under the age of 35- GO CHEAP. That’s right….no denying, this ship was gorgeous, of titanic proportions. Gold hand railings and Persian carpets down spiralling staircases with crystal chandeliers hanging every couple of feet, but the more expensive the cruise and the nice the ship, THE OLDER THE CROWD. No body under the age of 30. There were maybe 10 kids on the entire cruise ship of 3500 people and maybe all of 4% of the ships population was under 60. My father thought he was doing us a favour by getting us onto such a beautiful and prestigious ships….but it is in fact better to go cheap and find a younger ‘hipper’ cruise crowd.

ALSO- do not be swayed by what people tell you about the ship ‘swaying’. You feel it. You feel it like you would feel the elevation changing on a plane. The butterflies of a rollercoaster. And if you don’t come prepared with enough motion sickness medication to last you for the entire cruise, you WILL be hugging the toilet in the miniature bathroom of your stateroom that isn’t even big enough for you to lay on the floor in all your agony and like me, you will be forced to crawl onto the top bunk in your tiny stateroom and count the waves and rolling of the ocean until blessed sleep claims you.

Now don’t count all this as me being ungrateful. I mean who wouldn’t be happy to leave the monotony of every day life to escape to the Caribbean and explore exotic ports of call like St. Maartin and St. Thomas and beautiful Princess Cays. Just don’t expect that if you spend the last 3 days of your cruise hiding out in your stateroom, to come home with a Tan. I have hacked it all up to be an experience; one that I am not likely to repeat any time soon, but an experience, just the same.

On to other news and upcoming attractions- This Monday is Family Day. Note that I did not mention Valentines Day, first because I consider it to be an event of disappointment. You never receive the roses or chocolates or jewellery that you want from your partner..and if you do, it is true without fail that normally the romance itself is lacking. It is a holiday of broken expectations and depression for those who are still ‘unattached’. It is a time when every ship and store window is decked out in red sheer fabric and everything red or pink gets a nice little price hike. Family day, though less superficial is just as much as a fraud. Sure, it doesn’t boast to have a colour or action or feeling to be its’ flag, but it certainly creates an unrealistic expectation of the people of our country. I mean, honestly- it is a government holiday- everyone gets it off- even the unattached, single childless people who will go shopping. Birth rates are down and marriage rates are dropping. So really this whole day is a ploy to boost the economy. Get people out of work and into the malls. Even those who DO have families…what are they going to do- stay home and play board games? No. They will go shopping- if they even DO the quality time thing, which most won’t. Kids don’t want to be coerced into spending time with their parents. But again, even I will be greatful for the downtime. Maybe get caught up on my reading or get into the gym. Maybe the next government ploy will be ‘Dog Day’ with the saying ‘ Let the day go to the dogs’ and everyone will have to walk their pets and play with them and the underlying hope of the holiday is to combat obesity and get people moving. I may just bring it to the House of Commons.

I love Books AKA ...crack.

Ok I have recently decided that I have a problem. A reading problem. Like Crack. I recently started the twilight series....by recently I mean I started reading on December 27th...causally...and anyone who knows this series would know that each book is between 600-700 pages in length. Lets just say exactly 10 days later I have read ALL FOUR books in the series...

Staying up till 1:30 every night just DEVOURING pages and hiding my book in my desk drawer at work to get a page in here and there. I took my book to the gym and would loose all connection to my body for hours at a time because I was so involved in the book. I would be on the bike pedalling like a mother and not even noticing for 40...50...60 or even 70 minutes in a sitting and would repeat it again on the eliptical, the treadmill without even noticing. I would have my book in my lap driving to work...reading during red lights...I know, I am a HAZZARD. Since I was a child I was like this...I would live vicariously through the characters of the book I was reading. I would absorb their emotions, their problems...I wouldn't eat or concentrate on my own life. My mom called me an 'Empath' which means you absorb the feelings and personality traits of the people you are around because you have such a strong need to 'empathize'. I need to stay away from the depressed, angry and dangerous less i become one of them.

Speaking of which, I need to say this....Bella (the main character in Twilight) infuriates me with her weaknesses in New Moon....how she totally depends and devotes all her time and detention on the men in her life. She makes women look pathetic. having to read about her devestating breakup with Edward made me have to relive mine with Roger. The pain the feeling of you inside breaking you apart, the gaping hole in your abdomen....She made me go through it again but at least I didn't cling to another man the way she did, completely obsess about spending my time with someone else to avoid the pain in my chest. I wanted to slap her as badly as I felt FOR her...Like i took a peice of what she was feeling and made it my own. Again.

Anyway. Now i need to get myself back into 'Jamie' mode. And try to overcome the need to find a new series to devour. I need a break to feel like me. It is exhausting being so many people in a day. Wow I sound psychotic. ha ha. All for now, this weekend is comming at me fast and I am torn between two plans....arg. Tired of being torn....until next time loyal blog readers....