Gobble Gobble it up!

I have come to the conclusion that my apartment is too small to house 6 people for a weekend. This weekend Stuarts old friends from highschool and from London came and stayed with us and we had a blast, but the limited mobility around the 2 inflated air mattresses and various luggage, made it hard to eat and ....do anything really. The result? broken chairs, beer everywhere (rug and couch) and filthy everything.

It's that time again- The Markham Fair! I can't believe I have had a blog for over a year now. And I am actually sticking with it! I love fairs, but it is so easy to drop $100.00 bucks without even blinking an eye. I won my sister the stuffed black lab puppy she had been eyeing (despite our men's best efforts) and Stuart managed to win me the purple monster I had been pining after. He won it by squirting his gun in the hole and winning the race. Get you minds out of the gutter!

The funny thing about the things you win at the fair is that at the time you want them so badly, but when you get them home, you can only think of how to get it out of the public eye. What box can this go in? Now I have a purple monster sitting on my book shelf. Not exactly a designers dream.

Speaking of designers. This weekend my friend Kelsey and I did the Colin & Justins Home Heist tour through Toronto and Etobiko. We saw about 11 completely fabulously designed houses and got to meet Colin and Justin- who are equally fabulous and total Divas. They signed our books (you get them if you do the tour and the proceeds go to the Cancer Society.

I am going to attempt to cook a turkey in light of Thanksgiving. That's right. I have been assured it is not difficult if you take the simple route ie. (boxed stuffing, canned cranberries and gravy). So if I don't come home with many leftovers, I will rouse the Martha Stewart that is dormant inside me, and COOK!
The bathroom is the warmest place in my office. Maybe it is the way the ventilation system is set up, but I swear when I am sitting at my desk, I am freezing but the second I take a pee break I am toasty warm. I wonder if my coworkers would get suspicious if I started bringing paper work into the bathroom.

With the Canadian dollar so high, I suggest everyone start buying more on Ebay. This is good advice.

That is all the random stuff I can think to write. Bye for now,...

Double Cohort THIS mutha F*#%er!

The question being posed a lot lately is whether students are prepared for university, coming out of high school. There has been a lot of opinionated junk filling the airways about it. I say- can you ever really be prepared?I mean, how prepared could my generation have been?

We were the first year of the double cohort. We were the guinea pigs. We were the trial run for new lesson plans and introductory courses. We had teachers that weren't sure how to teach these new concepts to us, so they kept it simple. Our 4-5 years (depending on our choice) of high school were a joke compared to what they are now. Teachers have had time to perfect the 4 year learning curve and better prepare students for more in less time. Does that mean we were expected to fail out of college and university? Cuz, no offense, I did fine. So did many of my peers. The success of person is built into their moral fibre. Their drive to succeed. Not their 'well learned skills' in high school. Ya right. I can barely remember the periodic table of elements and I knew the entire thing in high school- in a song! That I wrote! Ha!

If we are talking skills here, the most important thing I learned in high school is how to get by. It isn't HOW you deal with stress- just that you DO deal with it. Whether it is bullshitting your way out of it, rushing to complete last minute projects, or finding the all mighty doctors note- all of those skills can be applied in University. Screw organization, and time management and deadline dealing- how many University student do you know that can TRULY time manage? It is about last minute studying before exams, finding last weeks notes in a pile of food coupons, doodles and love letters, re-using old notebooks- writing on the backs of pages this time to avoid spending the five dollars for a new notebook. It is about going to class but having the good sense to know when skipping it won't hurt you too badly (except for a few scan tron questions on the next exam) or being aware that if there are presentations going on, no one will miss you and you won't miss anything.

It is about having the go ahead to get the Prof to remember your face and name,( studies have shown it substantially increases your GPA. Even when your papers don't warrant it). AND lastly, the most important thing to know to be prepared for University is that a nap between classes can save you soul and bring you to your night classes and greasy food can take the edge off a hangover.

Cheers, loyal blog readers! (Excerpt taken from toga parties and Jello shooters 101)

The Hazards of Driving...

I find myself sitting in traffic. I am sitting there for what seems like my entire life. I am spending so much time in stop and go traffic and the worst thing about it is that when you are driving you can’t multi-task to keep yourself interested. I mean, you could, but it is illegal. No putting on makeup, no munching on snacks, no fiddling with cell phones or painting your nails. It could all result in one big fat ticket.

Is it just me, or is traffic getting woooorsssee? When I first moved into my new place, (mind you it was the middle of June) my route to work would take 15-20 minutes and the route home would take 20-30 minutes. I take the 401 to the 404 and then proceed to HWY 7 in Markham. Maybe it is all the student drivers that are now back on the road since school started, or maybe the cold weather is making people drive slower, and angrier, causing more accidents. Now I feel like it takes nearly 40 minutes to an hour to go ANYWHERE.

You would think, the same people are driving the same route twice a day. So why all the accidents? All the collisions? All the turnovers? Are you not familiar with the risks of HWY driving by now? Are you not prepared for all the idiot drivers we see being honked at every day? COME ON PEOPLE! Get it together! Stop flipping your BMW’s and side swiping your Escalades and T-boning your T-Birds (ok I had to put that one in).

I’ve started being a rebel and calling people when I am stopped on the 404. Yep. I am risking it to keep myself sane. I certainly don’t have ADD, but can you imagine if I DID? OMG. I would be throwing gum at cars rolling by and making eyes at ugly old men to get a reaction. I would strike up conversation with cars with their windows down….ok I have done that….but only once or twice. As it is now, I twiddle my thumbs and sing along with the radio. But anyone who knows me well, knows I don’t have a head for lyrics and almost NEVER sing the right words. And it pisses me off when I am in a 2 line streak and screw up the last couple of words “there’s a she-wolf in your closet, open up the closet…so she…can…run”…..”dammit!” So I end up getting home angry and Stuart feels the wrath.

I have also attempted to read my book while sitting in traffic. I know, I know. But it goes like this- I am stopped. I read a line. Look up. Roll a foot. Stop. Read a line. Look up…..etc.

On an amazing note- Did you hear the one about that woman in the department store that was fed up with someone else's misbehaving child and took the liberty of spanking the child? She is being charged with assault. We have ALL been there where we wanted to intervene with the kid that is running warp speed down the isles or the screaming kid in the restaurant, or the one kicking your chair. We've all wanted to knock their block off. I applaud the woman who finally had the nerve to do it. Just last night, Stuart and I were sitting in Wimpy's and there were these two almost toddlers (about 4?) that were running up and down the restaurant and crawling all over the bar stools. They were screaming and getting filthy and I thought- If I did that when I was a kid, my mother would have fed me a line about staying on my butt or I would be "outa this restaurant so fast your head'll spin!" But I guess this generation is different.

Drowning in Taffeta & Lace Vomit

So Kanye has proved once more, how much of a classy guy he is by stealing Taylor Swift’s thunder and humiliating her internationally at the VMA’s. Like seriously Kanye….if Beyonce’s video was soooo good as you said, don’t you think the VMA’s would acknowledge her somewhere else? LIKE THEY DID- when they gave her video of the YEAR!

On a funnier note, isn’t it awesome that Lady Gaga was denied the priviledge of bringing a lion onto the red carpet with her? Ha ha. And then her speech gave a shout-out to the ‘Gays’. Gotta love those inclusive speeches.

Foosball is a friggen workout. My sister bought a competition grade foosball table and we played doubles matches all Sunday afternoon. No one can beat Steve. I mean, it was like trying to play hockey as a rookie against an NHL-er. Stu and I played him 2 against 1 and STILL got clobbered. I will have to improve my skills. They are valuable skills: to be able to rotate and flick your wrist-really fast!

Wedding planning is stressful. And it isn’t even my wedding. This past weekend, Jordana and I went to the wedding expo. It was $15 bucks to get in and walk around having salespeople try their damndest to sell you THEIR wedding cakes or THEIR invitation schemes. The only thing you end up getting as a freebie are coupons and wedding planners and stupid bags to hold are the useless pamphlets and paper they give you. The funnest part of the whole day was getting to see the wedding fashion show. FYI…models are not build to wear wedding gowns. Not only did it look like the weight of the ball gowns was going to drag them to the floor at any minute, but NONE of them filled out the top of these gowns. I don’t think you could even alter them enough that they wouldn’t gap and gape in odd places on these VERY thin and tall women.

On another note, on an up-close and personal basis, wedding dresses are sooo gross. They feel artificial and cheap and like polyester. Like glorified, blown up Barbie dresses. They are too thick and gaudy and impossible to admire hanging on a wire hangar along with other bulk, mass produced gowns in ever shade from dirty white to faded yellow. I am so glad I don’t have to swim through that ocean of taffeta and silk. There are just too many options….beaded bodice, mermaid, ball gown, train, strapless, cap sleeves, streamlined, A-line……barf.

I have been spending my free time parading around the most hilarious website in the world, stealing amusing shots of cats & dogs involved in hilarious antics. It’s sad I know. What started as a few funnies, is now an entire album of over 60 photos depicting my failure at having a social life. At least they give me the giggles.

Toilets that FLUSH!!!!

Thought of the day-

If 'Shorts' are only called shorts because they are an abbreviation for 'short pants' then how come if you were to say to someone- "hey nice short pants!" - they would look at you like you were crazy. Or if you asked someone what 'short pants' looked like- they would most likely think Capri's or puddle jumpers (you know those pants....that are too Small......or short....for jumping in puddles? Cuz adults do that). So then maybe 'shorts' are like their own thing. Not 'short pants'. Just like a T-shirt is it's own thing. Not just a shirt shaped like a T. Because then that gives you the idea that the ideal form of a shirt is one with long sleeves. Like it is the base form. Or that pants must have long legs to be 'pants'. On another note- why don't freezers have a light too? I mean if I were the type to wake up in the night for a snack...I would go for ice cream for sure! But who wants to fumble around in the freezer in the dark, grasping for containers?

So today is my birthday. Is it just me or do birthdays sort of mimic valentines day? You go into it with high expectations and always end up disappointed. There won't be a room full of people and balloons when you get home from work. There likely won't be a cake waiting on the table for you and the gifts you get (even if they are amazing) will always leave something to be desired.

I am 24 years old. Ever since I turned 12 I have been telling everyone I was one year older then I am. My logic was that when you turn 12 you are in your 13th year of life- so you can say you are at 13....not 12- because when we are born, we start at 0, not 1. So we are technically a year older then we think we are. Anyway, that aside- this is the first year where I am not pushing the envelope. I am 24. That's it. Not 25 this year. This is like the golden year (with a side of oxidization) where you no longer feel like a kid. I didn't even know that I had crossed that invisible line. But the more people I ask, it seems it is common knowledge that up until 23 you can still be considered a youth. A kid, fresh out of university with their whole life before them....but NOT 24. I am laughing because it sounds ridiculous, but seriously. This is the year of mortgages and marriages and finances and financing. It is at 24 when women start really planning their future and looking at the possibility of children. You are in your mid 20's for god sake. You will be until you are 26. Up until 23 you were still in your early 20's.

My birthday is also bitter sweet for another reason. It marks the end of the summer. There is only ever 1 more weekend until I would have to go back to school, or start new classes, start digging out the fall sweaters. I am hoping that since the summer was so wet and cool, that this September and October will stay warm to make up for it. Before we know it, thanksgiving will be here and we will be crunching our way through leaf-littered side walks. I have got to get what fishing I can in before the season ends. I have already beat my record this summer at the cottage by catching a muskie. It was HUGE. Or so I say. Stu might say otherwise because he is jealous.

My family also only has so long until the brand new Jetski my parents bought a week ago (much to my grandmother's dismay), has to be put away for the season. * GASP* what next? Plumbing? SEPTIC?

I think it's time for an update. Cottages everywhere now have mobile Internet- cell phone service, running water. I remember the days of using a bag phone to order Chinese from the cottage- less then 10km up the road. We STILL have outhouses. We only just got the idea to spray the cabins for bugs to get rid of the mites... I understand the nostalgia of having old cabins that have been in your family for years- I do! But updating finishes and furniture and amenities doesn't take away from the old time quality of the place. It makes it more useable. User-friendly!

My Granny obviously is well into her 80's and won't let the 'magic of horseshoe' be touched or tainted until she is long gone (which nobody wants), but I tell you want I do want- water that I don't have to pump out of the faucet. Bunk beds that you don't fear will crush you in the middle of the night. Toilets you don't fear something will bite your ass where you sit. Only time and....financing (there's that word again) will tell. Until next time....