It's Trendy to be forever out of Style.

How come once you become really accustomed and good at portraying a trend, it suddenly changes. For instance, I just got a really nice hair straightener and have figured out how to perfectly straighten my hair- got the right products and techniques and now all of a sudden- Big & bold is better. Big curls and volume and waves are desired and I suck at that.

Or how about flares....I managed to acquire a bunch of really funky flares in grade school and then- WHAM- wide leg. And tights...I finally found the courage to sport the tight colourful tights under dresses and skirts and it is slowly being phased out for skinny jeans. I can't wear those! I was just mastering the layered look with cropped jackets and now everything is the long lean silhouette. Sorry hunny- that ain't me.

In high school i finally found the cash for some clunky heals and then...BOOM-pointy thin stilettos. I should have saved all my plaid shirts when I just didn't give a damn because, you know that month, when they came back? (probably because Lauren Conrad started wearing them)....well I missed it! I had so much flannel plaid!

I buy curve hugging lou lou lemon and then it is cool to have boyfriend pants (baggy sweats!)

I get those flowy floural shirts and then everything is STRIPES!

It is so uncool! So I guess I will just be out of style. Or not out...just one or two steps behind....

As SHARP as a KNIFE!

Here are my thoughts for the day:

If in heat particles expand and wood and objects generally get bigger and in cold, particles squeeze together and objects get smaller (the perfect example is the front door of a house in summer might scuff the floor and not close properly and in winter it swings wide with extra space). So if this is the logic, then how come people SHRINK in saunas? I mean, I know the science behind it- what with sweating off the inches) but if it were to follow the hot/cold trend- then shouldn't we bloat in the heat? And you know that common thought that people feel fatter in winter and thinner in summer....wouldn't that be backwards? I wish the world was more consistent.

So the weather is getting warmer and summer clothes are a little tighter then they were last year. That's the problem with moving. You dig out the things that have been lost in your closet, either purposefully or accidentally. You see the pretty skirts from when you were 18 and the bar tops from early university life and it makes you nostalgic and you stare at yourself even harder in the mirror afterwards.

Is that a wrinkle that wasn't there yesterday? Do I see blue veins on my eyelids? I know I will never wear those things again. I will never be as young as I am right now and if I am too old for it now....So you lock them away in storage bins hoping that next time you move you might be able to at least put them on for old times sake and not just glare at them bitterly.

For one last Hurrah I found a salon in North York and put bleached blonde streaks in my hair to feel like a bombshell, when in reality, I know I won't be going out and getting drunk or sleased out any time soon. In actuality I am perusing the Internet for used furniture to outfit my apartment and researching plants that flourish inside in the shade.

Since moving into the GTA I have found my fear has exponentially increased. I am not denying that I have a bit of paranoia about being attacked by a senseless mugger in the fading dusk while innocently walking to get groceries- but it could happen! All my life I have attracted weirdos- that's not just a comment on those I have dated, but really weird people- homeless addicts sitting beside me on buses telling me their life stories....I am ALWAYS the person that cars pull over to ask directions or other strange questions like "where's a good place to get greasy Chinese around here?" Keep in mind there could be any number of people on the street with me and I would STILL be the chosen target.

So now when I walk anywhere...every face is an enemy, every set of footsteps behind me is a stalker and every set of darting eyes are looking to disarm me. It doesn't help matters that while Stu and I were house shopping, we saw a man rob a woman not more then 20 steps from us and no more then 3 blocks from where we are living now.

I expressed these concerns to my dad, and being the over protective mans-man that he is- he provided me with a selection of switch blades and jack knifes and any other kinds of knifes to choose from. I chose a small button operated- non automatic swing blade with a two inch blade. It fits neatly into the back pocket of my purse that has easy- hidden access if I need to get it discreetly. All my mom and sister could do was laugh and express their fear for Stuarts life, now that I am armed. You watch, I will use it when I get attacked and then who will be laughing!

On my first lonely walk to the grocery store at nine o'clock at night, I kept my hand resting on it the whole way. My heart was beating a mile a minute.

I imagine the feeling will go away as I become more comfortable with the area. I hope so. All for now, loyal blog readers!

Home Bitter-Sweet Home

Here are my thoughts for the day-

If sun bleaches hair, clothing, curtains, most fabrics and almost all colours-then why does skin get DARKER in the sun. It's a conundrum. I understand the science behind it, what with the melanin and all that (after all i am a retired tanning consultant) but the logic behind it is backwards and non-deductive.

So we moved into our new place on Tuesday. A cute little apartment with hardwood floors, big windows, small kitchen and single bedroom. A feature worth noting is the fact that there is a window in the shower. It IS frosted, but when you open it, there is nothing but the screen to keep your nudity from the world. One day when I am feeling particularly bold, I may put on a little show. lol.

We have no large pieces of furniture: No couch or desk or drawers or table or chairs....not even a TV. All of that will hopefully come on the weekend. In the meantime we are living amongst storage bins and boxes. My clothes are in a garbage bag and I spend my nights unpacking dishes and building shelves.

The drive to work is a breeze, however I ran into a bit of a blunder with parking. I was supposed to be assigned a parking space but was never contacted by the landlord so I have been parking in a perpetually vacant parking spot for the past 3 nights until I have time to call him. This morning I was met by a drunken neighbour- and when I say drunken- I mean a man in his 50's about 6'2 with a beer gut, a beard and a housecoat REEKING of booze. Most importantly, a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other (this is as 7:30 in the morning) tapping on my window and slurring "HeY! CaN YOu NOt pArK iN my pARkinG SpOT?"

I of course am shocked and can only sputter something about being given the wrong spot # and that it won't happen again in the future. I started driving away before he finished expressing his anger about the hassle of trying to find another spot...or I should say I accidentally put my car into drive and almost hit the parking divider before finding reverse and hauling my ass out of there. As I watched him shrink in my rear view mirror, I imagined him hucking his beer at the back of my car in drunken rage, but then I though ' a true alcoholic would never waste a beer to huck it at a car, they would just drown their rage- in more beer'.

I am contemplating replaying this little interaction for the landlord, but I am not sure what he'd do. Tell this tenant not to confront other tenants in the early morning while intoxicated, but to leave a message to the landlord to handle it? That would be appropriate I guess, but I would have missed out on all the excitement from the encounter.

On a more positive note, there is an adorable puppy that lives in one of the apartments in our building and we have been extended an invitation to play with him whenever we want. His name is Doc and he is a little golden retriever puppy. Anyway, more updates coming soon- stay posted loyal blog readers.

Moving UP and ONWARD...

Here are my thoughts for the day-

If the rumour goes that 'woman drivers are bad drivers' (and lets just break this down for a second)- bad drivers meaning being reckless, unaware and causing accidents- then why is it that male drivers have higher insurance rates? Insurance rates that are high indicate a high risk group or individual. Male drivers between the ages of 16-25 have the highest insurance rates of any other group. So does that mean *gasp* that the rumour is misguided? Or are young drivers (teens) an entirely different phenomenon all together?

Or from a different angle- what about elderly drivers? They are a high risk group right? So is an elderly woman driver worse off then an elderly male driver? The stats wouldn't support this. Men lose it sooner then women- more prone to Alzheimer's and sight problems AND they die sooner... But maybe elderly women just drive MORE because of the shopping. We all know the grannies love to shop and maybe this skewers the stats.

And Asian drivers? They have a brutal driving reputation. It could be that the immigrants are used to driving on the other side of the road. Sorta like the British... So would the elderly female Asian driver be the absolute worst possible driver? Then how come I have never seen one on the show 'Canada's worst Driver'? Maybe they have heard the rumours too and so they are more cautious because of it. Whatever.So Stuart and I have finally taken the dive and signed a lease. We wanted to be well educated on the housing Market in North York and so we did alot of research...we must have seen 30 or more properties and the final verdict? We were more confused by the end of it than if we had just nabbed the first place we saw.

Note to those of you who are looking for a new home- keep it under ten and choose amongst them. The more you see, the more options you see you could have and then your expectations go up and then you can't find a single property with everything you are looking for. Believe me. In the end, we settled. We saw so many beautiful basement apartments that were big, all inclusive, but then they didn't have great access to the TTC and then we saw alot of small places with a subway on the doorstep and not enough living place. AND THEN we saw a few apartments that were expensive but would be our own place and not living under some random. So the compromise? We got the apartment that is expensive- a little too small- with moderate access to TTC and makes our travel time about half an hour a piece.

Already we have a bit of 'buyer's remorse' (even though we're renting) thinking we should have gone with this place or that for one reason or another. But whats done is done. Now comes the issue of moving in. Not quite old enough to rent a moving truck and in an awkward enough place that no one is available to help move us. The solution? One piece of furniture at a time. Every day after work, I will pack up my little Grand Am and drive back to my new home. Tedious, but efficient.

Whether this move will be the best for us is yet to be seen. Needless to say, there is a Claus in our lease that we can walk for $500.00. Hopefully we don't need it.

My birthday is coming up fast and i can't help but feel the best years are behind me and I have entered into the era of bills, rent and insurance payments. My sister is getting married next summer and I have the extra pressure of getting into 'picture posing' shape for it. I never want to get married. Weddings seem too stressful to plan and too expensive for one day. I was never the dreamy little girl that pictured myself in a big puffy sleeved wedding gown and my barbies never got married. They were promiscuous and had many partners and popped out babies right left and centre. We never knew who the father was (one of the three kens) and so the community raised the babies.

Last thought for the day-

Why are we still born with light eyes? The sun has been around since our species have been around and light eyes just don't make sense. Sun refracts around the periphery of light eyes and hurts. We have to squint and wear sunglasses and even then, our eyes sting in the sun. We should all be born with dark skin and shit-brown eyes.

NOT the other woman.

I thought the days of being all consumed by your romantic relationship were left behind in high school dust and yet I find I am encountering it now more then ever. You remember that person who was your best friend in school, the person you always called to talk to and spent most of your spare time with- when all of a sudden they got a boyfriend or girlfriend and dropped you like an old hat. Or better yet, the friend of the opposite sex who gets a boyfriend or girlfriend and suddenly is uncharacteristically sheepish about calling and talking to you, who un-tags themselves in pictures with their arm around you like you are some skeleton they are trying to sweep out of their closet or an ex girlfriend they are trying to forget.

What is the motivation behind this? Boyfriends and girlfriends are always threatened by other close relationships to their partner- opposite sex or not, the idea that there is a connection between you both that maybe they can’t achieve or needs that they can’t attend to, is the main source for all of this awkwardness.

Personally I have had more then a few close guy friends that get girlfriends and then stop talking to me. Whether it is because their girlfriend feels threatened by our friendship or the guy just wants to avoid explaining who I am and why their girlfriend should have ‘nothing to worry about’. I hate losing friends this way. It is that feeling in the pit of your stomach when you call this old friend and are excited about talking to them and when they pick up, you can hear their partner in the background say “who is that?” and you hear your friend hesitate, then say your name only to hear the disapproving groan of a response in the background. It is the feeling of knowing you aren’t allowed to be friends with that person anymore and it makes you want to tell them that their boyfriend/Girlfriend is no good for them if they won’t let them talk to their friends, but you know that will only give their partner a real reason not to like you. You can’t win. You have to bow out and hope they break up so you can re-establish a friendship with that person.

Now that I am older, I can’t afford to be loosing friends over such trivial matters. I am not going to be a home wrecker. I am not going to pursue your man. I just want his friendship. Please don’t have a personal vendetta against me because maybe I dated your boyfriend 10-15 years ago when I was a kid.

GAH! Can’t we all just get along…